Woman jokes
What's the difference between a woman with a penis and a terrorist? You can negotiate with the terrorist.
Sy'kyira (😌): I can't wait for the therapist to come.
Daina (😊): Same, 30 minutes have passed... I also wonder what that loud sound is.
Sy'kyira (😅): SAME!!!! What, does it sound like a woman suffering???
Daina (😌): I know, right?
Why do women only use their left arm? Because they don’t have rights.
Addison in bra.
What's better, a woman or a man?
Neither, for I am WHITE.
If she’s old enough to breed, she’s old enough for me.
Rape jokes are so incredibly offensive to stupid women like me who don’t understand what comedy is.
What do you call the White House when a woman becomes President? A stable.
There was a man named Matt that went to the church to confess one of his most recent sins. He told the priest, "I am here to tell you my sins." He was all for it and said, "Go ahead."
Matt, "Father, last night I almost cheated on my wife."
Priest, "How so?"
Matt, "We were together naked, but we didn't do anything, just rubbed each other, that's all."
Priest, "RUBBING TOGETHER IS THE SAME THING AS PUTTING IT IN! For your sins you must never see that woman again and put $50 in the donation box!"
Matt, "Okay, I promise not to see her again."
Then Matt walks out the door.
Priest, "Hey! I saw you! You didn't put any money in the donation box!!"
Matt, "Yes I did. I took the money and rubbed it against the box because you said rubbing it is the same thing as putting it in."
Man: *behind the women* She's so ugly!
Woman: My back is not a voicemail, unless you're a coward and can only say it behind my back to my face.
My wife walked in on me cheating on her and said, "How could you cheat on me?!" I said, "She was lying naked on the table what I was supposed to do?" and my wife responded with, "Perform the autopsy."
Money and women are kind of the same thing for me; it comes and goes very easily.
Women are like the Twin Towers. After you smash them, and if some little people start jumping out, the government is gonna tax the shit outta you.
Why do women have no need for umbrellas? Because it doesn't rain in the kitchen.
How many women does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they just sit in the dark and bitch.
What's the difference between a woman and a freezer?
A freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.
How did Rihanna find out Chris Brown was cheating on her? She found another woman's lipstick on his knuckles.
A woman's husband has a yearly conference. The first night he's away from home, their teenage son Tommy comes into their room at night and starts to make love to her, but she knows that it can be dangerous to wake a sleepwalker, so she doesn't say anything. He does this every night for two weeks and stops when his father comes home.
She realizes she's pregnant and has a baby boy.
The next year the same thing happens, she gets pregnant again, and has a baby girl.
The third year, she's feeling very guilty, and after thirteen nights of incredible passionate lovemaking she sits Tommy down and tells him, "Every time your father leaves town on business, you sleepwalk into my bedroom and make love to me. Bobby and Anna aren't just your brother and sister, you're their father!"
Tommy said "You think I was sleepwalking?"
Women are only for sex!
They are good for cooking and sex!
Nothing but those things.
Men: "I like dogs."
Women: "I like cats."
Chinese: "Food is food."