There was a mexican magician. He was going to disappear on the count of three. 1-2-..... and he left without a trace.
There was once a spanish magician, he said," Uno,, Dos..." and he dissapppeared without a tres
For a present on christmas i gave an orphan a phone, just without a home button
What’s the definition of “perfect pitch?” Throwing a viola into the dumpster without hitting the rim.
Fun fact: The body positivity movement, is the only movement without any actual movement
Why did a woman believed she was a target ? She had a price tag without any value to it?
A guy walks into a bar. He goes up to the bartender and says: If i can suprise you, i get a free drink. The bartender was unsure but agreed. The guy pulled up a 30cm long pianist out of his pocket and he starts to play The bartender was suprised and gave the guy a free drink The guy then sais: You see, i have a little wizard in my pocket that grants wishes, can i get another free drink if you get a free wish? The bartender agrees without hesitation The bartender wishes for a 1000 bucks, but he gets a 1000 ducks WTF! the man shouts. The guy answered: Did you think i wanted a 30cm long pianist
Don’t have phone sex without protection, you might get hearing aids!
Two Canadians die and end up in Hell. Satan decides to pay them a visit, so he walks into their room and sees them talking and laughing. Confused, he asks them why they're happy. They tell him, "Well, we're so sick of the cold where we're from, and this place is nice and toasty."
Satan, annoyed, storms away and goes to Hell's boiler room, where he turns up the temperature.
He goes back to the Canadians' room, along the way being begged by all sorts of people to put the heating back down. He enters the room to see the Canadians having a barbecue. Furiously, he asks them what they're doing.
"Well, we can't pass up this wonderful weather without getting out the barbecue!"
Satan realizes he's been doing the wrong thing. He goes to the boiler room and turns it down until it's at a colder temperature than ever seen on earth.
He knows he's won now, so he goes back to the Canadians' room, only to see them jumping up and down in excitement.
He shouts at them in fury, "WHY ARE YOU STILL HAPPY?!?!?!"
They look at him and shout at the same time, "Hell froze over! That means the Leafs won!"
In British chess I guess they play without a queen...
But in American chess they play without 2 towers
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
Christopher and Tony were tempted for a beer but they only had 2 dollars each. Christopher got an idea and run away to the butcher and see if he got something good. He came back with a sausage. So they went to a pub and ordered 2 beers and 2 whiskeys. - Are you crazy?! Said Tony to Christopher. 'We don't have any money!' - Take it easy now, said Christopher. 'I have a plan.' When they finnished drink everything up christopher put the sausage through his own zipper and begged Tony to bend on his knees and take the sausage with his mouth. The bartender saw what they did and throw them out without even paying. So Christopher and Tony kept doing the same thing pub after pub after pub. After the 10th pub said Tony: I can't do this anymore. I am drunk and my knees are in too much pain to even handle the walk. - How do you think i feel? Said Christopher exhausted. ' I dropped the sausage in the 3th pub!'
why did i give an orphan the iphone X? because it is the first one without a home button.
Oh Lois,that was more scary than Michael Jackson without pants in front of a kid.
how do u cut your grass without a lawnmower? - u dye it blue and it will cut itself
Y can't a orphan read He couldn't go to school without a parents signature
You are my compass, without you, I’m lost.
what game can an emo play on their wrists without an ink pen?
tic tac toe.
how did you get sally into a blender? -without much resistance how do you get sally out of a blender? -tortilla chips
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
