Why jokes

A guy is bankrupt, so he gives his son a duck and tells him to go sell it for as much as he can. So the kid goes on the street to sell the duck. A prostitute walks by and says, "I'll f--ck you for $10." The boy says, "I would, but I don't have any money." She says, "Ok, I'll take the duck instead." He says, "Ok," so they go upstairs and f--ck. The prostitute says, "That's the best sex I've ever had. I'll give you the duck back, and we can do it again." So they do, and he gets the duck back. But when they go downstairs, the duck gets hit by a car. And the guy that hit the duck feels so bad that he gives the kid $25. So when he gets home, his father asks him why he looks so tired. The boy says, "Well, I got a f--ck for a duck, a duck for a f--ck, and $25 for a f--cked up f--ck."

Why don't Chinese kids celebrate Christmas?

Because they make the toys.

Why are Michael Jackson and caviar so much in common?

They both come on little white crackers.

Why was the emo kid sad? Because his bar code expired.

Why does Michael Jackson wear a white glove?

So he won't bite his fingers when he eats a tootsie roll.

Why did Billy fall off his bike?

Because his dad threw a chair at him.

Why couldn't the astronaut put the helmet on his head?

Because he didn't have enough space.

There were three people on the third floor of a building. The first one took a bite of an apple, then said it was too hard, so he threw it out the window. The second person took a bite of a lemon. He said it was too sour, so he threw it out the window. The third guy was drunk. He took a bite of a grenade and thought it was too crunchy, so he threw it out the window.

Then one of them went downstairs. He saw a dog laying on the ground dead. The apple had hit the dog in the head. Then there was a little girl crying with her cat in her lap. It had died because the lemon fell out the window and hit it in the head. Next, there was an old guy laughing. I asked him why he was laughing. He said, "I farted and the building behind me blew up."

Why did Stephen Hawking die?

Because he lost Wi-Fi connection.

Teacher: What's your favorite animal?

Me: Desert Eagle.

Teacher: Why?

Me: 'Cause it fits in my backpack.

A funny joke scenario.

Person 1: Why didn't the skeleton go to the dance?

Person 2: Because he had no "body" to go with.

Person 1: Because he was ugly, fat, and nobody liked him.

A homeless man sits in front of a Home Depot. A man walking out of the store hands him some money and asks, "Why are you in front of the Home Depot?" And the man says, "Isn't it obvious? Hoping somebody accidentally drops the house they just bought."

Q: Do you know why transgender people are good at being carpenters?

A: Because they have more experience cutting off their wood.

Why did Shakespeare only write using quills?

Pencils confused him: 2b or not 2b.

Theory is when you know everything but nothing works.

Practice is when everything works but no one knows why.

In our lab, theory and practice are combined: Nothing works and no one knows why.

I don't understand why people get offended by incest jokes; they're so family friendly.

Why is it a bad idea to eat a clock? Because it's so time-consuming.

You should know how important it is to wash your sex toys.

That's why priests invented baptism.

Why is bacon called bacon and cookies called cookies if you cook bacon and bake cookies?

Why is the German blind?

Because he's a "not see."