Why jokes
Me: The man sleeped in a $200 bed in His hole life so why dose he need a $2,000 coffin?
My friend: They're cheaper at Costco.
Me: Oh shit, you're going to have "fun" this weekend.
Why did the police go to a baseball game?
Because a player stole the base.
Why is Trump bad with America? Because he made it scream.
Why did the math book kill itself?
It had too many problems.
A happy mother: "Why is your sister so quiet?! And how did you get super glue stuck on your penis?!"
Why does Struan smell so awful? Because he is friends with Jerp.
Why did the number 5 get voted out of the game in the 1st round? Because he was an odd man out!
Why did the rapper always carry a map?
Because he was afraid of getting LOST in the BARS.
Why do orphans love Home Alone?
They like to see a familiar picture.
I wanted to fuck my mom, but she replied, "My pussy only belongs to your dad." That's why I had to fuck her in the a$$!
I don't see why people say that emo kids don't like to hang out.
I've seen them hanging all day.
Why did Susie fall off the swing?
She had no arms.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Not Susie.
If Uranus was a dick, then why do they make Uranus?
Why do Catholic priests suck on the cock of a young boy in his parish?
Because it tastes like a Vienna sausage.
I have a joke about death.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side.
Think about it :)
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Suicide.
Why are cheetahs the best animals?
The cheetah is the fastest land animal in the world. They can reach a top speed of around 113 km per hour.
A cheetah can accelerate from 0 to 113 km in just a few seconds.
Cheetahs are extremely fast; however, they tire quickly and can only keep up their top speed for a few minutes before they are too tired to continue.
Cheetahs are smaller than other members of the big cat family, weighing only 45 – 60 kilograms.
One way to always recognize a cheetah is by the long, black lines which run from the inside of each eye to the mouth. These are usually called “tear lines,” and scientists believe they help protect the cheetah’s eyes from the harsh sun and help them to see long distances.
Cheetahs are the only big cat that cannot roar. They can purr though and usually purr most loudly when they are grooming or sitting near other cheetahs.
While lions and leopards usually do their hunting at night, cheetahs hunt for food during the day.
A cheetah has amazing eyesight during the day and can spot prey from 5 km away.
Cheetahs cannot climb trees and have poor night vision.
With their light body weight and blunt claws, cheetahs are not well designed to protect themselves or their prey. When a larger or more aggressive animal approaches a cheetah in the wild, it will give up its catch to avoid a fight.
Cheetahs only need to drink once every three to four days.
I dated a lot of girls before I married my wife. I was living with one of them when I arrived home one day to find her bags packed and next to the door. I asked her, "Baby, what's going on?" She said, "I'm leaving you."
"But why?" I replied.
"Because you're a pedophile!" she answered.
"That's a pretty big word for a six-year-old," I said.
Why do we tell actors to break a leg?
So they can get in the cast!
Why are bald people very easily manipulated by a shower?
Because when they take a bath, they get brainwashed!