Why jokes
Me: tries to scan self at Walmart. I can't scan myself, wanna know why?
Alfred: Why?
Me: because I'm worthless... =)
Why did Beyonce say "to the left to the left"?
Because women don't have rights.
Q: You want to know why I don’t make jokes about 9/11?
A: They tend to crash and burn.
Why is Stephen Hawking going to hell? Because it's a stairway to heaven, not a ramp!
A Catholic priest finds a young boy crying at the top of a cliff.
“What’s wrong? Why are you crying?”
The boy points down. “Mummy and Daddy were in the car and it went over the edge.”
The priest can see the flaming wreck below. He looks around and sees no one else is about and starts to unbutton his belt.
“It’s really not your day, is it?”
Memes
Why does Donald Trump take Xanax?
For Hispanic attacks!
The only reason why Murrikkkunts think Canada isn't free is because incest is illegal in Canada, in which one can face a sentence as long as 14 years in prison if convicted.
Why do hospitals have fans?
To keep the vegetables fresh and cold.
Why did Hitler never go to a strip club?
He hated the Poles.
A drunk man walked out of a bar and kept falling flat on his face. He wondered why this was until his wife spoke to him:
Wife: "Why is your face all bloody?"
Husband: "I was so drunk that I couldn't stand up, so I kept falling on my face!"
Wife: "Idiot. You left your wheelchair at the bar!"
Why did Trump go to Jeffrey's secret Island?
So he could trump that little bitch!
When I saw a girl sitting on the ground crying, I asked her where her parents were. She cried louder. That’s why I like to volunteer in an orphanage.
Three dead bodies are delivered to the mortuary one day. Each of them has a great big smile on their face.
The coroner examines the bodies and then calls the police to tell them what has happened.
"First body: Frenchman, 60, died of heart failure while making love to his mistress. Hence the enormous smile, Inspector," says the coroner.
"Second body: Scotsman, 25, won a thousand pounds on the lottery, spent it all on whisky. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile."
The inspector then asks, "What about the third body?"
"Ah," says the coroner, "This is the most unusual one. Billy-Bob the redneck from Oklahoma, 30, struck by lightning."
"Why is he smiling then?" asks the inspector.
"He thought he was having his picture taken."
Why do women rub their eyes in the morning?
Because they don't have balls.
Why cant asian parents have a white child? Cuz 2 wongs dont make a white
Why are Americans so shocked when it comes to Mexican drug cartels?
Because none of the drug lords (or their associates, for that matter) have shot up a school.
Q: Why should you stand in the corner if you get cold?
A: It’s always 90 degrees.
Why do horses eat with their mouth open?
Because they have bad stable manners.
Why buy a pregnant slave over a normal slave? Buy 1 get 1 free. 😂😂😂😂
Why are tomatoes 🍅 the slowest vegetable?
Because they can’t ketchup.