Why jokes

I turned off all the beeping machines in the hospital. I love the peace and quiet, but I don't know why everyone is sleeping cause it's only 8 am.

Why are Americans so bad at Clash of Clans? Cause they already lost two towers.

Why does Helen Keller hate the national anthem? Oh, say, can you see?

What did one ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, they just WAVED. Can you SEA what I did there? I'm SHORE you did. Why are you so SALTY? Don't be a BEACH.

Why does a married heterosexual man want an anonymous blowjob at a glory hole inside an adult bookstore?

Because he doesn't want his wife to find out that he got a blowjob from another man.

Why did the male orphan decide to be gay?

Because he wanted someone to call "daddy."

Why can't skeletons play church music?

Because they have no organs.

Why cant asian parents have a white child? Cuz 2 wongs dont make a white

Mom: Wake up!

Me: No, I'm too disappointed and I have a headache...

Mom: Why are you disappointed?

Me: I took 12 random pills and I still woke up...

Why can't two Asians make a white kid?

Because two wongs don't make a white.

I used to be a banker but I lost interest.

Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team? She always ran away from the ball.

Why can’t bikes stand? Because they are two tired (Too tired).

Why do people like dating us emo girls? Because of the texture on our thighs.

Nobody notices your pain, tears, struggles, but why do they notice your mistakes?

A priest was driving down the road when a cop pulled him over.

The cop asked him if he had anything to drink. The priest said just water.

The cop said, "Then why can I smell wine?"

The priest said, "Good Lord, it happened again!"

Why are Americans bad chess players?

They lost two towers.

Why do people from Alabama abhor eating tacos and burritos?

Because their meat has to be in bread.

Why are skeletons so calm?

Because nothing gets under their skin.

Me: tries to scan self at Walmart. I can't scan myself, wanna know why?

Alfred: Why?

Me: because I'm worthless... =)

The worst part about church is that you're constantly switching between sitting, standing, and kneeling. I mean, why can't the priest just pick a position and f**k me already!

Why is Stephen Hawking going to hell? Because it's a stairway to heaven, not a ramp!