Why jokes
Mom: "I gave you life and you should be able to wash dishes."
Me: "Why did you?"
Mom: "I was very drunk..."
Explains a lot...
When your friend asks why you don't smile, then you look at them and realize no one is there because you have no friends. #my life
Why don't blind people skydive?
Because it scares their dogs too much!
Why can't Indians play football? Because every time they take a corner, they make a shop.
Why are mountains always tired? Because they don't Everest.
Memes
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Why?
To get to the idiot's house.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
The chicken.
Why did Sally fall off the swing? Because she had no arms.
Knock knock. Who's there? Not Sally.
What first went through Sally's head when the Nazis came? A bullet.
Where did Sally go when the bomb exploded? Everywhere.
What did Sally get for Christmas? A bike.
Why doesn’t the US want to play chess with the UK?
The US is already down 2 towers, and the UK has an unkillable queen.
Why do orphans have water in their cereal?
Because their dad never came home with the milk.
Why do orphans hate milk? Cause their family is still shopping for it!
Why can't orphans work at S.C. Johnson?
Cause it's a family company.
Why is it so easy bullying orphans?
They can’t tell their mom.
Why are Americans so bad at Clash Royale?
Because they’ve already lost 2 towers.
Why were the twin towers sad?
Because they ordered pepperoni pizza, but all they got was plane.
A woman is on the edge of a bridge, about to commit suicide, when a strange man comes up to her.
"Tell me, why do you wish to end your life?" he asks in a booming but gentle voice.
"My children died last year in a car crash, I'm battling depression, my husband left me, and I lost my job," she sobs. "I don't wish to live anymore."
The man mulls this over, and proclaims, "I will solve all your problems, as I am a wizard and possess unfathomable abilities. However, you must grant me a blowjob first."
The delighted woman readily agrees, takes him below the bridge, and fulfills his request. After they're done, he asks, "How old are you?"
"37," she replies, wiping her mouth.
"You're 37 and you still believe in wizards?"
Why is the lesbian lifestyle so expensive? -- They're always eating out.
... and they buy Rolexes for their neighbors, because they wanna watch.
Yo mama is so ugly she's the reason why Batman fights crime at night.
My friend once said my opinion didn't matter. I said, "Why did you call me a female?"
Why didn't anyone react when the king farted? -- It was a noble gas.
Why can't orphans play baseball? They don't know where home is.