A programmer and his wife.
She says, "We're out of bread. Please go to the grocery store and buy one. And if they've got eggs, get six."
After a while, he's back with six loaves of bread.
The wife asks, "Why did you buy 6 loaves of bread?"
He replies, "They had eggs."
Why did the octopus blush?
He saw the bottom of the ocean.
Why do Scottish men wear kilts?
Sheep can hear unzipping trousers from a distance of 100 yards.
Why is 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 8 9.
Why do sharks never attack lawyers? -- Professional courtesy.
Why do the French eat snails?
They don't like fast food.
Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? - In case he got a hole in one.
Why can't Jesus eat M&Ms?
Because they keep falling through the holes in his hands.
Why did the blonde bring a ladder to the bar? Because she heard the drinks were on the house.
Why do they never serve beer at a math party?
Because you can't drink and derive.
Why do Java Programmers wear glasses? Because they don't C#.
A physicist, an engineer and a programmer were in a car driving over a steep alpine pass when the brakes failed. The car was getting faster and faster, they were struggling to get round the corners and once or twice only the feeble crash barrier saved them from crashing down the side of the mountain. They were sure they were all going to die, when suddenly they spotted an escape lane. They pulled into the escape lane, and came safely to a halt.
The physicist said, "We need to model the friction in the brake pads and the resultant temperature rise, see if we can work out why they failed."
The engineer said, "I think I've got a few spanners in the back. I'll take a look and see if I can work out what's wrong."
The programmer said, "Why don't we get going again and see if it's reproducible?"
Why do programmers always mix up Halloween and Christmas?
Because Oct 31 == Dec 25.
Why are New Yorkers so good at reading?
Some of them went through 100 stories in 10 seconds.
Why are Americans so bad at Chess?
They're missing two towers.
Why do midgets laugh when they run?
Because the grass tickles their balls.
Why doesn't Mexico compete in the Olympics?
Because all the Mexicans who can run, jump, and swim are in the U.S.
Why doesn't Karl Marx like Earl Grey Tea?
Because all proper tea is theft.
Why is flour retarded?
Because it's in-bread.
Why did the fly fly?
Because the spider spied her!
