Whos jokes
My grandfather was the type of person who never threw anything away.
He died in World War II holding on to a hand grenade.
What do you call a 96-year-old who can still masturbate?
Miracle Whip.
There's nothing quite like being told I'm wrong by someone who depends on me for food, clothing, and shelter.
Kids make a lot of plans for people who can't drive anywhere.
If a blind person can’t see, then do they sleep?
They’re the night watchers while people who see sleep.
Memes
Who would've known?
"I work with animals," the guy says to his Tinder date.
"That's so sweet," she replies. "I like a man who loves animals. Where do you work?"
"I'm a butcher," he says.
"Did you hear about the flasher who exposed himself to two elderly ladies in Central Park? One had a stroke. The other couldn’t quite reach."
"Did you hear about the guy who got the left side of his body amputated? He’s all right now."
How do you kill a retard?
Give them a knife and say, "Who's special?"
What do you call a rapper who LOVES to cook?
Lil' Spice
What do you call a rapper who LOVES gardening?
MC Planter.
What do you call a wizard who can't secure a girl? Fumbledore.
Brrr, it's fucking cold outside, aye? What do you guys want for Christmas? A sweet video game? Maybe a cool action figure? Oh, how about the latest phone!
Who me? Oh, I guess... I wish snow could melt as fast as the snowflakes that downvote good jokes! Merry Christmas, ya filthy animals!
Angela: Kris, I just met the nicest, sweetest guy ever.
Kristie: Who is he and what is his name?
Angela: His name is Kevin.
Kristie: Kevin? I remember him. He said he had to go to Italy for a meeting, never seen him after that. What the hell is Kevin doing here?
Angela: I don't know.
What is a victimless crime in the state of Michigan if you are an able-bodied man who is well-endowed, not white, and not a heterosexual male?
A white male who is heterosexual and physically disabled who is sodomized by an able-bodied and well-endowed gay male who is not white inside the men's locker room at the gym.
What is the difference between a nun and a prostitute?
One says, "God is my father." The other says, "Who's the father and who is my son?"
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Luke.
Luke who?
Luke through the keyhole and you’ll see.
Deku: Hey, Todoroki?
Shoto: Wht?
Deku: I just found out on the news that your dad froze to death. Do you know who did it?
Shoto: :)
Confucius say, "Man who sit in church and fart must sit in pew."
I once had an owl who I thought it would fly away.