There were four people who went to land... only three returned... Why?
They left someone for memories!
There was someone who slept late... he missed the dream!
I asked my friend, "Shouldn't we have 6 senses?"
He replied, "What is the 6th sense?"
"Common sense," I shot back while looking at the kid who was going to detention. "Never mind," I said.
went for a job interview today and the manager said, "We're looking for someone who is responsible."
"Well, I'm your man." I replied, "In my last job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I was responsible."
Attended my boss's funeral to pay my respects. On my way out, I leaned over his casket and whispered lightly, "Well, look who's thinking outside the box now."
Q. What do they call an ISIS terrorist who owns both a camel and a goat?
A. Bisexual.
A guy who just got robbed says, "I've been hacked, and the hacker ransomware!"
Imagine there’s a funny joke here..imagined it? Great! Now check yourself into an insane asylum cause you’re schizophrenic.(This is my joke, I came up with it myself, anybody else who has said it said it after me, it’s important to me lol because I came up with it)
I told myself the other night after a long night at the bar that I should stop drinking. But why should I listen to a drunk who talks to himself?
A guy walks into a bar with a revolver and yells, “WHO THE FUCK FUCKED MY WIFE!” A man in the back responds, “YOU AIN'T GOT ENOUGH BULLETS MATE!”
I told myself I needed to stop drinking so much. But I'm not about to start listening to some drunk weirdo who talks to themself.
Knock, knock.
"Who's there?"
Not your dad.
Why did Mozart kill all of his chickens? When he asked them who the best composer was, they all replied, "Bach, Bach, Bach."
Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
It’s the police, ma’am, your son got hit by a drunken driver. He’s dead.
My 2 year old Asian baby cant do calculus Look who in sweatshop now
"Did you hear about the guy who got the left side of his body amputated? He’s all right now."
"Did you hear about the flasher who exposed himself to two elderly ladies in Central Park? One had a stroke. The other couldn’t quite reach."
Who was the first anesthesiologist? Hitler.
"I work with animals," the guy says to his Tinder date. "That's so sweet," she replies. "I like a man who loves animals. Where do you work?" "I'm a butcher," he says.
Who are the fastest readers in the world?
9/11 victims – they went 89 stories in ten seconds.
