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Ancestry.com

68 views ·

I asked my new girlfriend how many men she’d had before me.

She said not to worry, she could count them all on one hand.

Unfortunately, this was when I noticed she’s holding her cell phone with a calculator app open. I took note of her wallet inside a picture of what appeared to be 10 guys. I asked and she said that’s my fam as well. I noticed an Alabama driver's license. I asked which one was her dad. She said that she doesn’t talk to him anymore because he had sex with the boss’s daughter. I casually asked what he did for work. Self-employed? She said that’s the last time I use ancestry.com!

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  • Gorilla

    17 views ·

    Where do gorillas get all the "pussy" from? The strip club, which is called "Poker Kong Night."

    Gunshot

    38 views ·

    Where did Sally go after the gunshot?

    6 feet under.

    *That is how deep they put the coffin...*

    Soap

    8 views ·

    So uh, I did this thing where I put soap on my brother's toothbrush, and then I put more on and colored it to make it look like toothpaste, and uh, he is constipated now. I AM EVIL :3

    Dad

    1 view ·

    Someone came to me and said, "Your dad is gay." I just said, "Wait. You know where my dad is? Please tell me!"

    Morgue

    24 views ·

    Patient: Where are you taking me, doctor?

    Doctor: The morgue.

    Patient: Hang on! I'm not dead yet!

    Doctor: And we're not there yet!