When jokes
A man was having a dream. He dreamt about a mystical creature that was commonly known as the god of toast.
When the man woke up, he turned to tell his wife about the dream. When he delivers the "toast god" punchline, his wife shrugged as she faced the opposite direction to the man.
The man turned around also and started sobbing as he realised his marriage is in shambles.
Where do boats go when they get sick? The dock.
Your momma so fat, when she stepped on the weighing scales, her phone number came up!
I wanted some breakfast, so I grabbed some Life cereal.
I poured it, but lemons came out. So I said, "Well, when life gives you lemons!"
Yo mama's like a fridge, she breaks down when she loses her cool.
What happens when Steven Hawking dies?
Take his iPad to Cash Converters.
When I go to bed, my mother comes in ten minutes later with a brick and beats me with it.
Yo mama so fat when she stepped on the scale it said, "To be continued."
What do you call it when a person with Down syndrome gets friendzoned?
Chromozoned.
What do you call Link when he is hurt?
A link to the cast.
Yo mama so fat, when she goes to the movies, she sneaks candy in her fat rolls.
Why can't Sally swing?
Because she has no arms.
Knock knock, "Who's there?", not Sally.
Where did Sally go when the bombs dropped?
Everywhere.
Yo mama so far that when she walks outside at 8 a.m., it becomes midnight all over again.
Yo mama so dumb when the weather said "it's chili outside," she went inside a goal, small and a bowl.
What did the grape say when the elephant sat on it?
Nothing, it just let out a little wine!
There were these three men; their names were Shit, Shut up, and Manners. One day, they were riding in their car, and Shit fell out, so Manners went out to pick Shit up, and Shut up went to the police station.
When he got there, the police officer said, "What's your name, son?" and Shut up said, "Shut up." The officer replies with, "Ummm...excuse me?!" and Shut up said, "Shut up!" and the officer said, "Boy, where are your manners?" and Shut up said, "Round the corner picking up Shit!"
There were once three brothers, Shit, Shut up, and Manners. One day, Shit got hit by a car. Shut up went to find help at the local police station while Manners tried to help Shit.
When Shut up got to the police station he says, "My brother has just been hit by a car."
The policeman replied with, "OK then, first I need to know your name."
"Shut up."
"No, I need to know your name."
"Shut up."
"Excuse me, but where are your manners?"
"Round the corner picking up shit."
When a man sleeps with a lot of women, he's called a stud. When a woman sleeps with a lot of men, she's called your mum.
Yo mama so fat that when she sits down, the earth falls out of the Solar System.
When does a skeleton laugh?
When someone tickles his funny bone!