When jokes

When you end up pregnant...

Mom told me if a boy touched my breast I should say "DON'T," and if he touched me down there I should say "STOP." But Dad, he touched me both places at once so I said, "DON'T STOP! DON'T STOP!" 😂

Why do dwarfs laugh when they run a race? Because the grass tickles their balls.

  • 7

    • Once there were twins, Mark and Michael. Mark was the owner of an old boat. It so happened that Michael's wife died the same day that Mark's boat sank. A few days later, a kindly old woman saw Mark and mistook him for Michael. She said, "I'm sorry to hear about your loss. You must just feel terrible." Mark, thinking that she was talking about his boat, said, "Heck no. In fact, I'm sort of glad to be rid of her. She was a rotten old thing right from the beginning. Her bottom was all shriveled up and she smelled like old dead fish. She was always losing her water; she had a bad crack in the back and a pretty big hole in the front too. Every time I used her, her hole got bigger and she leaked like crazy. I guess what finally finished her off was when I rented her to these four guys looking for a good time. I warned them that she wasn't very good, but they wanted to use her anyhow. The fools tried to get in her all at once and she split right up the middle!" The old lady fainted.

    Bully: "Nobody loves you."

    Me: "Aww, it must have hurt when your mom told you that."

    When Trump goes to the beach, he doesn't use suntan lotion. He uses Dorito dust, and it stays on for the rest of his life.

    Pigeons can be annoying at times, especially when their bones get stuck in-between your teeth.

    What's the difference between a baby and a pizza?

    One does not crow when you put it in an oven.

    I don't ever really bother women, but when I do, I usually just want to talk. I guess since I just so happened to be a straight male that's not a 10 or a 5, I get shutdown so fast. I put out lit candles...like damn, I thought I hid my ring.

    A delivery service called “Ross Deliveries” was known to be the best in town. They never got anything wrong. One day, Rachelle got a delivery, but when it arrived, it was all broken! How is this possible?

    I never said which delivery service she used. Lol.

    What do you do when you finish a magazine at a hospital?

    Reload and keep shooting.

  • 22

    • A: It’s very delicious! Great! Fantastic!

    B: Thank you.

    A: People don’t speak when they eat delicious foods!

    🎨🧑🏻‍🦰 day was that good fun day at home 🏠. I had to the earth and I love it when you get a home and walk walk home from school and walk home and walk walk home from school and walk walk home 🏠. Was your birthday 🎁? I did.

    Yo mama so fat that when Thanos tried to snap her out of the world, he couldn't do it, so instead, he clapped her out of the world.

    Mary had a lamb. Her fleece was black as coal. When I tried to touch it that night, next day I went to court.

    "hvhuhdsjcjdsijdskdsivhdsvhsjdvnsjdvdshvgdshgsdhfgh" That's what my friend said when he gave an EpiPen. I don't know why, though.