When jokes

Autopsy

    • We thought that my mother died in the best way possible, during her sleep.

    But when we did an autopsy on her, we saw she actually died in the worst way possible. During the autopsy.

  • 0

    • Pussy

    • Little Johnny brings his cat to school, and then the teacher asked him why. Little Johnny says, "Because I heard my dad tell my mom I'm going to eat that pussy up when the kids leave!"

  • 6

    • Demon

    • When you tell the men in the suits you can see that the demons of your sins are watching you...

    But they know you're blind.

    Date

    • When I see the names of lovers engraved on a tree, I don't find it cute or romantic. I find it weird how many people take knives with them on dates.

  • 0

    • Litter

    • I'm still not sure how I'm not in jail or have been fined for littering. When I was born, I was born in a hospital trash can, therefore making me a literal piece of trash. That being said, any time I'm out in public, I'm a piece of litter.

  • 1

    • Talking tree

    • A man walks into a magic forest, when he stumbles upon a talking tree and tries to cut it down. The tree says, "You can't cut me down, I'm a talking tree!" The man replies, "You may be a talking tree, but you will dialogue."

  • 2

    • Wish

    • Three friends go to a water park and meet a genie. "You each get one wish." "When you get to the top of the slide, you shall scream your wish as you go down." The first man went down the slide and screamed "Coca Cola," and the pool was filled with Coca-Cola.

    The next ugly-ass looking mf goes down the slide and screams "C-M&Ms" as if he wasn’t just about to say cum—then the pool was full of cu—I mean M&Ms. The last horny-ass bitch is so excited he says "Weee!" Then the pool is full of piss. He was upset the pool wasn’t full of dildos./j

  • 0

    • Player

    • What do Call of Duty players say when they shoot up a school?

    654-721-8940

    (If you understand the joke, you're a god.)