When jokes
Sometimes I get jealous when my phone dies.
Why? You ask.
Because it only takes one charge to bring it back to life.
Yo mama so fat, when she went on the elevator, it went down.
What did Helen Keller's mother do to her when she was mad at her?
She left the plunger in the toilet, she put doorknobs on all the walls, and she rearranged the furniture.
You're so ugly whenever you say hi, people walk away and say that you were too ugly, and they go take a bath right away because you're so stinky.
They say that you look like your mama. Wait, your mama must be just like you because I can see her way from a mile!
You say you put on perfume, but every time I smell you, you smell like poo-poo. You're so ugly that when your mom looks in the mirror, you cry. You're so stupid the second-grade teacher had to tell you to go all the way to kindergarten. Head Start is every grade below you. You can't even go to the 20th grade, which stands for 9th grade. You can't even go to grocery stores, and people that tell you that you're so ugly give you compliments just to make you feel better. You know that everybody just likes you just because they just don't want to hurt your feelings, so just stay in your mind. Hey, you want to text Matt; you know it was you because every time you see you, you think that you matter. Matter fact, he doesn't even like you; he just wants your money girl. Who even likes you? 😈😈
What do you do when a French kid steals your pencil?
Load your MP-40 and tell him that you give him a history lesson on WWII.
For some reason, when my mom eats hot dogs, she likes to lick and suck on it first. As a son, can anyone tell me why?
You're so ugly when your mom dropped you off at school, she got a fine for littering.
A 10 year old girl lays in her bed and excitedly waits for Santa to come. When Santa eventually comes she giggles, shivers, and orgasms.
Finally, as a special thank you, she sucks off Santa’s wet cock.
When does the slowest person go as fast as a train?
When he is on the train.
What is the worst tool to play when playing the game “Icebreaker”?
The Titanic.
Girl, you are so ugly that when you look in the mirror, it shatters, more than your relationship.
What’s it called when an orphan takes a photo?
A family picture.
The police department made a new machine that will teleport you back to prison if you commit a crime. The police release 4 criminals: a hacker, a rapist, a serial killer, and a drug lord. The hacker tries to hack a bank. The hacker gets teleported back to prison. The drug lord tries to cook meth. The drug lord gets teleported back to prison. Now the serial killer decides that she wants to change, but when she sees a knife she just can’t help it. She bends down to pick up the knife and the rapist gets teleported back to prison.
When you think you can’t fail anymore if you’re dead, then you fail at suiciding.
Why do I look nervous when I enter the church? Is it just because I'm the only one with the bomb?
Your manna so fat your father will be coming around the mountain when he cums.
Michael Jackson died of shock when he found out Boys II Men wasn't a delivery service.
What do depressed people do when they’re bored?
They “Hang” Out.
You're so bald, when you wear a turtleneck, you look like one!
You're so bald that when you wear a poncho, you look like a broken condom.