Whats jokes

What does a Chinese machine gun sound like? "ching chong ching chong tang tang."

What did one negative say to the other negative? Together we can make a positive.

Guy #1 is being picked up by Guy #2 from the hospital.

Guy #1: Oh man, I just got my prostate checked. It's not looking good.

Guy #2: Why, what is it?

Guy #1: Turns out, I have prostate cancer.

Guy #2: Oh man that sucks...

Guy #1: Yeah, it's a real pain in the ass!

What is the difference between a blond and a Nazi?

The blond survived.

What did the big chimney say to the little chimney? "You're too young to smoke."

What is black and at the top of the stairs?

Stephen Hawking's after a fire.

What's black and white and red all over? A penguin that's just been raped.

What is the difference between a banana and a helicopter? Neither of them is a police officer.

What is a "dad?"

What do you call an Indian person who is not starving? Dead.

What's red, white, and blue and crawls up your leg?

A homesick abortion.

What do you get if you cross a pig and a witch with sand?

A ham sandwich.

What's the difference between cancer and a baby?..

There is none.

What's the same about dark humor and kids with cancer?

They never get old.

What's the best part of not wearing a condom when I'm with my girlfriend? My mom went through menopause.

What's the difference between a Lambo and 100 dead babies?

I don't have a Lambo in my garage.

What's the only punch that can knock out a 21 year old?

A Sandy Hook.

Me and my mom order Chinese food. So when it came, my mom grabbed the egg roll and started to suck it down. Then I ask my mom what are you doing. Then my mom says, "I love you for 5 dollar."

What does a skeleton say when it has a lot of stuff?

"I have a skele-TON of stuff to do."

What do you call a swearing piece of shit?

Cus-turd.