Whats jokes
Q: What do you call brown mixed with yellow?
A: Someone who just ate beans.
What did one candle say to the other?
"Want to go out tonight?"
I remember asking my mum: "What's a couple?"
She replied, "Two or three."
Which probably explains her collapsed marriage.
What part of a vegetable can you not eat?
The wheelchair.
What is an orphan's favorite movie?
"Meet the Family."
What is an orphan's least favorite store?
Home Depot.
Want to know something? Jason and Michael Myers had to watch their family while they have to live forever. That's why they kill; they're trying to make people experience what they did.
What do you call a nosy Mexican?
That's nacho business.
What do you call Moby Dick's dad?
Papa Boner.
What was the last thing that went through PH's head?
Water and smoke.
A man walks into a bar. He sits down and orders a beer. After 10 shots of vodka, the guy had, the bartender figured if he talked to him, he would tell him everything as he’s not sober.
Bartender: Hey, that’s some nice jewellery you have there. It must be expensive.
Guy: Yeah, this bracelet is made of 100% diamond. It cost me like 250 thousand dollars. What a bargain, eh?
Bartender: Seems like you make a lot of money. What do you do for a living?
Guy: I take cash from the bank and don’t give it back. It takes a lot of moral courage to rob banks to provide for my family.
Bartender: What? If that’s the case, then why do you even pay for the jewellery or this beer? You’re a hypocrite, that’s what you are, justifying robbing people as a living.
Guy: Hypocrite? You’re right. I'm living with double standards to justify my actions.
(5 seconds later)
Guy: Aye, open the cash register and give me your wallet or I will blow your fucking brains out. I fucking hate hypocrites and I will not gonna be one of em!
There’s a one-story house in which everything is yellow. Yellow walls, yellow doors, yellow furniture. What color are the stairs?
Answer: There aren’t any—it’s a one-story house.
What’s the difference a hooker an a drug dealer...?? A hooker can wash her crack an resell it.
What language do they speak in the middle of the earth?
CORE-ean
What is long, hard, and has cum in it?
A cucumber.
What’s the difference between a pornstar covered in slime and The White Stripes?
One has "Icky Thump," and the other does "icky hump."
What do you call gay men receiving anonymous blowjobs at the glory holes inside an adult bookstore?
Norwegian massage.
What do you get when you cross a vegan and a burger fry-cook?
A shitty plant-based patty.
What is a nudist's least favorite holiday?
Memorial Day.
Why?
Because wearing a poppy can be very painful.
What can read 105 stories in ten seconds?
New Yorkers.