FIRST DATE
Man: "I work with animals every day." Woman: "Oh, how sweet! What is it that you do?" Man: "I'm a butcher..."
What's in a Michael Jackson hotdog?
A 50-year-old piece of meat.
A 12-year-old bun.
I asked my midget neighbor if he wanted a lift. He told me to "Fuck off!!!" I thought, what a cheeky cunt and zipped my backpack up and walked away.
What’s the difference between a Ferrari and ten 6-year-olds?
I don’t have a Ferrari in my garage.
What's the difference between you and Jesus? Your parents remember Jesus's birth date.
What is a skeleton's favorite instrument?
A trom-bone 😂
What do you call a swimming terrorist?
A bath bomb.
What's the difference between Mexicans and stoners? Stoners actually have papers.
What do you call an emo filming their suicide?
America's Funniest Home Videos.
What caused Captain Hook's death?
He accidentally used the wrong hand to wipe his ass.
What starts off fun and ends in bankruptcy?
UNPROTECTED SEX.
What happens when Stephen Hawking dies?
The Windows shutdown sound plays.