Whats jokes

What does an apple and a lawyer have in common?

They both look good hanging from a tree.

FIRST DATE

Man: "I work with animals every day." Woman: "Oh, how sweet! What is it that you do?" Man: "I'm a butcher..."

What's the difference between meat and fish?

If you beat your fish, it'll die.

So a girl goes to Santa in the mall, and Santa asks what she would like for Christmas. So the kid says: “a little sister”. So then Santa says: “bring me your mother!”

If it's true what they say and I quote, "God never gives you more than you can handle," then you should pray to those who didn't, that God gave them a body strong enough to survive the attempt.

What's in a Michael Jackson hotdog?

A 50-year-old piece of meat.

A 12-year-old bun.

What do you call a sophisticated American?

A Canadian.

I asked my midget neighbor if he wanted a lift. He told me to "Fuck off!!!" I thought, what a cheeky cunt and zipped my backpack up and walked away.

What’s the difference between a Ferrari and ten 6-year-olds?

I don’t have a Ferrari in my garage.

What is the difference between an old chest and a kid? One doesn't cry when you drop it in the basement.

What is a skeleton's favorite instrument?

A trom-bone 😂

What do kidnappers and Mickey Mouse have in common? They say, "Come inside, it’s fun inside."

What do you call a swimming terrorist?

A bath bomb.

What's the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman?

Snowballs ;)

What's the difference between Mexicans and stoners? Stoners actually have papers.

I asked my girlfriend what she wanted to eat.

She said nothing, so I took her to Africa.

What's the difference between Hitler and a feminist?

At least Hitler actually did something.

What do most 50-year-old men put inside their cars?

Children.

What is the first thing the disabled download on iTunes?

"They see me rolling, they hatin'."

What do you call a walkie-talkie for retards? -- A stumblie-mumblie.