Whats jokes
A 10-year-old: "I don't want to smile without having a reason to. People shouldn't think I'm happy 24/7."
A 10-year-old, a week later: "Damn... my life is shitty..."
<2 years later> 12-year-old: "What is de-pre-ssion?" *googles it*
Now 14-year-old: "Oh..."
What's the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman?
Snowballs ;)
I asked my girlfriend what she wanted to eat.
She said nothing, so I took her to Africa.
What does a perverted frog say? Rub it.
Why don't witches wear underwear? To get a better grip on their broom.
What do girls and rocks have in common? The flat ones get skipped.
What is red and goes 200 mph? A baby in a blender.
What's Thanos' favorite game?
Half-life.
What's the difference between a teacher and a train?
The teacher says, "Spit out your gum," but a train says, "Chew chew!"
What's the hardest part of a vegetable to eat? -- The wheelchair.
What's the difference between Hitler and a feminist?
At least Hitler actually did something.
What do most 50-year-old men put inside their cars?
Children.
What is the first thing the disabled download on iTunes?
"They see me rolling, they hatin'."
What did the sex offender frog say to the other sex offender frog when a hot frog passed them?
Rrrrrapeit!
What caused Captain Hook's death?
He accidentally used the wrong hand to wipe his ass.
What do you call an emo filming their suicide?
America's Funniest Home Videos.
What happens when Stephen Hawking dies?
The Windows shutdown sound plays.
What's the best part about a dead prostitute?
The second hour is free.
What starts with e, ends with e, and only contains one letter? -- An envelope.
A high school student and his best friend were rushing to class after his best friend caused them both to be late. His best friend asked, "Would you like to hear a joke?" "Sure," he replied. "What do you and your sister have in common?" "I don't know." "Because of me you're both late for your next period."
You: Say "addicted" after everything I say.
Person: Uh okay.
You: When you're obsessed with candy you are...?
Person: Addicted.
You: When you're obsessed with drugs you are...?
Person: Addicted.
You: What hit you in the face last night?
Person: Addicted... *laughs*
(It's supposed to sound like "A dick did")
So there's this uncle of female and male twins, and his sister, the mother of the twins, is stuck trying to think of a name for the children. The uncle says, "I've got an idea!", and the mother gets excited, thinking this could be it. She says, "What should their names be?"
The uncle replies, "Well for your daughter, Denise." "That's a nice name," comments the mother, "but what about my son?" The uncle simply replies, "Denephew".
What's the difference between a priest and SpongeBob?
SpongeBob asks if you're ready first.