Whats jokes

What caused Captain Hook's death?

He accidentally used the wrong hand to wipe his ass.

What starts off fun and ends in bankruptcy?

UNPROTECTED SEX.

What happens when Stephen Hawking dies?

The Windows shutdown sound plays.

Sixty years ago, Stephen Hawking's teacher got fired for accidentally making an offensive joke. What was it? Go for your dreams, kids. Reach for the stars.

What starts with e, ends with e, and only contains one letter? -- An envelope.

A high school student and his best friend were rushing to class after his best friend caused them both to be late. His best friend asked, "Would you like to hear a joke?" "Sure," he replied. "What do you and your sister have in common?" "I don't know." "Because of me you're both late for your next period."

So there's this uncle of female and male twins, and his sister, the mother of the twins, is stuck trying to think of a name for the children. The uncle says, "I've got an idea!", and the mother gets excited, thinking this could be it. She says, "What should their names be?"

The uncle replies, "Well for your daughter, Denise." "That's a nice name," comments the mother, "but what about my son?" The uncle simply replies, "Denephew".

Knock knock... Who's there? It's Jesus, let me in... Why? I have to save you... From what? From what I'm gonna do to you if you don't let me in.

What game did Al-Qaeda play with the Twin Towers on September 11th, 2001? Jenga.

What's the difference between a priest and SpongeBob?

SpongeBob asks if you're ready first.

What do you call an epileptic kid eating fruits?

A blender.

You can beat up orphans, what are they gonna do, tell their parents?

What does Frosty the snowman eat for breakfast?

Frosted Flakes.

What kind of chocolate does a lesbian hate?

Ones that contain nuts.

What is the one thing cripples can't do? ... Stand-up comedy.

What's the difference between an orphan and an apple? An apple gets picked.

What’s the difference between a nose and an orphan? A nose gets picked more.

My friend: "Yo, stupid."

Me: "Is that right? And what exactly have you done in your lifetime that makes you Einstein?"

My friend: *rolls eyes* and says, "Whatever."

Me: "Keep on rolling them; you might find your brain in there."

What's the difference between humans and bullets?

Humans miss John Lennon.

What's the difference between a teacher and a train?

The teacher says, "Spit out your gum," but a train says, "Chew chew!"