Whats jokes
You: Hey, Alexa, what is your gender?
Alexa: I identify as Michael Jackson, and my pronouns are...
Me: *hears it* And their pronouns are he/he.
What do bungee jumping and a gay man have in common?
If the rubber breaks, they're in beep shit.
What do black parents and elevators have in common?
Neither of them can raise anything without a belt.
Person 1: How many people has Michael Jackson fingered?
Person 2: Dunno, what’s the minor population?
What does an armed bank robbery and Michael Jackson have in common?
Someone gets hurt.
Memes
Why are orphans so bad at baseball?
Because they don’t know what a home looks like.
What's the difference between a priest and Woody from Toy Story?
Woody goes limp when a kid walks in the room.
What do a 9V battery and a butthole have in common?
We know we’re not supposed to put our tongue on them, but we do it anyway.
Hello Miss Chandia, here. I want to tell you guys a joke.
What do jokes serve for dessert?
What should you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
Tell her to slow down and use lubricants.
Doctor: What is your zodiac sign?
Patient: Cancer, why?
Doctor: What are the chances?
Patient: Of what?
What’s big, pink, long and makes my 12 year old girlfriend cry when I put it in her mouth?
Her miscarriage.
What does the blind man say when he walks past the fish market?
"Hello, ladies!"
What's the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms?
One’s a Good Year, the other’s a great year.
What do Michael Jackson and an Xbox have in common?
Little boys turn them on.
Q. What's the difference between an assassinated Healthcare CEO and Old Yeller?
A. I cried when they shot Old Yeller.
A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can.
Three years later there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says: “What the hell was that all about?”
A man goes into a job interview and sits down.
The interviewer is looking over his resume and says, "I see here that there's a 4-year gap on your resume. What were you doing?"
The man says, "Oh, that was when I went to Yale!"
The interviewer is impressed and says, "That's great! You're hired!"
The man smiles. "Really? I'm so glad, because I really need this Yob."
Husband: Dammit, Alice! I'm your husband, and I'm telling you that you better stay in this kitchen if you know what's good for you!
Wife: Go to hell, Bob! I'm leaving!
Ignoring my protective advice, Alice stormed out of our underground kitchen, even though it was the safest place to be while the nuclear war still raged outside.
A man driving along a country road sees a little girl crying next to a cliff. He gets out and says, "Aw, what's the matter little girl?"
She points off the cliff, and at the bottom is the family car, burning with everyone inside, all mangled and dead.
The man unbuckles his pants and says, "Little girl, today just ain't your day."