Whats jokes
My parents telling me: "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger."
Me upset about my suicide attempt doesn't succeed.
Bf: Hey, what ya doing?
Gf: Just lying in bed.
Bf: Just lying in bed?
Gf: And eating cereal.
Bf: Ha, nice, what would you do if I was in bed next to you...?
Gf: Eat my cereal.
Bf: I mean if the cereal wasn't there.
Gf: I'd get out of bed and get more cereal.
Dad: What time do you wanna go to the dentist?
Daughter: *tooth hurty*
Dad: All right.
Hey, Mom, I'm back from the circus parade. It was amazing! First came the elephants, then came the tigers in the cage, and then came a beautiful lady on a white stallion. Oh, and what came after her?
Asked the mother, "Dad and every sailor in the state of Tennessee," said the boy.
What do you get when you cross a lawn mower and a parakeet?
Shredded tweet!
Memes
A kid had school today.
He was late every single day. He said in his mind, "I wish I can go to school again." What happened? It's obvious...... He died :)
What do Mexicans cut their pizza with? A Little Caesars.
What's the difference between Jesus and a picture frame?
It only took one nail to hang the picture frame.
What do a condom and a gun have in common? You should never use either one of them.
What do you call a person with no nose and no body?
Nobody knows.
What's pink and fluffy? Pink fluff.
What's pink and rusty? Madeline McCann's bike.
Jim: My grandpa fought in the army during World War Two. He was an officer.
Me: Cool, what rank of officer?
Jim: SS.
Me:...
What are cheetahs' favorite chips?
Cheetah Puffs!
What do you call a selfie of an orphan? A family photo.
"Our all-transgender brigade has suffered heavy casualties!"
"What? We haven’t even sent them to fight!"
"They’ve already lost 30% of the unit!"
What's the difference between a picture of Jesus and the real Jesus?
The picture only takes one nail to hang.
What do you get when you mix a lemon and a cat?
A sourpuss.
What do you call an orphan taking a picture?
A self-portrait.
What do you call an injured person who doesn't want to play a game with you? A sore loser.
My son said that bully needs a pounding, then I say, "Yeah, right, that is what I said and did to your mother." My son opens his mouth and freezes. I guess he knew what I was talking about.