Whats jokes

What did the woman with no hands get for Christmas? No idea. She hasn't opened her present yet.

What's Al Qaeda's favorite football team?

New York Jets.

*on a date*

me - "I get to work with animals all day."

her - "How sweet! What do you do?"

me - "I'm a butcher."

What is worse than a dead baby? A pile of dead babies.

What's worse than that? The one at the bottom is still alive.

What is worse still? It has to eat its way out.

What's worse than that? It went back for seconds.

What did Hellen Keller do when she fell in a hole?

She screamed until her hands got tired.

What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree?

Hold on to your nuts, this ain't no ordinary blowjob.

What does a pulse and an orgasm have in common?

I don't care if she has one.

What do the twin towers and genders have in common? There used to be two, now they're a sensitive topic.

What’s a Mexican’s favorite sport?

Cross-country.

What did the wind say to the palm tree? "Hold onto your nuts, this is no ordinary blow job."

What's missing in an orphanage computer?

"The motherboard."

What's long, black and full of seamen? A submarine.

What’s the difference between an emo and grass? The grass doesn’t cut itself :D

A boy walks in on his mother riding his father. "What are you doing?" the boy asks his mother. "I'm jumping on daddy to make him thin," said the mother. "Don't bother," said the boy, "when you go shopping, the lady next door comes and blows him up again."

What's an orphan's favorite Spiderman movie?

"Spiderman: No Way Home."

What do you not want to do when it comes to giving an emo a job?

Showing them the ropes.

Friend 1: What's the most disappointing thing that ever happened to you? For me, repeating a year.

Friend 2: Failing an important test. And you?

Then there is me: My life.

What's the difference between McDonald's and a priest?

Nothing... They both stick their meat in ten-year-old buns.

What is the difference between a gay man and a fridge? A fridge doesn't moan when you put meat in it.

Little Johnny is watching his dad shave one morning, and his dad was making a lot of mistakes. Suddenly, his dad screams "bitches and asses!" Johnny asks what it meant, and his dad replied "aunts and uncles." Oh. Next thing he hears is "dicks and pussies!" Johnny asks, "What's that mean?" To which his dad replied, "Uh, coats and hats." Oh. Next thing he know, he sees his dad jumping around the bathroom yelling "fucking, fuck, fuck, FUCK!" "What does that mean, Dad?" And his dad yells, "Cut, Johnny, it means cut!!!!" Oh.

Next week is Thanksgiving, and the doorbell rings, and Johnny answers it and says, "Hey, bitches and asses, hang your dicks and pussies here, Dad's in the kitchen fucking the turkey."