Whats jokes

What's the difference between Johnny Depp and an Aussie bloke in Bali?

Both are expert drunks, but the Aussie is 100 times better kept. Johnny Depp, in contrast, looks like a demented leader of a violent drug cartel.

What is a pedophile's favorite part about Halloween? -- Free delivery.

What's Stephen Hawking's favorite song?

- They see me rolling.

What's the difference between a rooster and a prostitute?

The rooster says... "cock-a-doodle-doo." The prostitute says... "any cock will do."

What leaves a bigger memory than a passionate kiss?

A stab wound.

Q: What does LMAO mean?

A: Launching Missiles At Orphanages.

What did Michael Jackson say to the kid on his lap?

"You have a great singer inside you."

What is the part of school with all the autistic people called? Downtown.

You find yourself stuck in a hole with a murderer, a rapist, and a lawyer. You're armed, but you only have 2 bullets left. What do you do?

Shoot the lawyer. Twice.

What is the most expensive haircut? Chemotherapy.

what do you call a suicide bomber that loves water? a bath bomb.

What do Pink Floyd and Princess Diana have in common?

Their last big hit was the wall.

What is the difference between climate change and the greenhouse effect, once a philosopher, twice a sodomite?

Me: If a skinny person goes skinny dipping, then what do fat people do?

My friend: Chunky dunks.

What do Catholic priests and JCPenny's have in common?

Little boys' pants half off.

What do you call an Asian who can't hear?

Wha U Sai

A man walks into a bar and orders three shots. "Long day?" the bartender asks. "Well... My oldest son just came out..." The man finishes the shots and leaves the bar. The next day, the man comes back and orders four shots. "What now?" the bartender asks. "My middle son just came out." The man finishes his drinks and leaves. He comes back the next day and orders five shots. "Again?" the bartender asks. "Yeah. My youngest son." He drinks his shots and leaves. The next day, he comes in again. This time, he orders ten shots. "My God! Is there anyone in your family that likes girls??" the bartender asks. "Yeah... My wife."

What's the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?

A mosquito stops sucking when you slap it.

What do a crippled person's legs and the Twin Towers have in common? They both went down and never came back up.

I got kicked out of Social Studies class when my teacher made us watch a women's rights documentary. When he asked us what the genre of the film was, I put my hand up and said "Fiction."