Whats jokes

What do a crippled person's legs and the Twin Towers have in common? They both went down and never came back up.

I got kicked out of Social Studies class when my teacher made us watch a women's rights documentary. When he asked us what the genre of the film was, I put my hand up and said "Fiction."

What's the difference between Johnny Depp and an Aussie bloke in Bali?

Both are expert drunks, but the Aussie is 100 times better kept. Johnny Depp, in contrast, looks like a demented leader of a violent drug cartel.

What's Stephen Hawking's favorite song?

- They see me rolling.

What's the difference between a baby and a salad?

Most people don't get angry when you toss a salad.

What do you call an Asian who can't hear?

Wha U Sai

What did Michael Jackson say to the kid on his lap?

"You have a great singer inside you."

What is the most expensive haircut? Chemotherapy.

You find yourself stuck in a hole with a murderer, a rapist, and a lawyer. You're armed, but you only have 2 bullets left. What do you do?

Shoot the lawyer. Twice.

what do you call a suicide bomber that loves water? a bath bomb.

What do Pink Floyd and Princess Diana have in common?

Their last big hit was the wall.

A man walks into a bar and orders three shots. "Long day?" the bartender asks. "Well... My oldest son just came out..." The man finishes the shots and leaves the bar. The next day, the man comes back and orders four shots. "What now?" the bartender asks. "My middle son just came out." The man finishes his drinks and leaves. He comes back the next day and orders five shots. "Again?" the bartender asks. "Yeah. My youngest son." He drinks his shots and leaves. The next day, he comes in again. This time, he orders ten shots. "My God! Is there anyone in your family that likes girls??" the bartender asks. "Yeah... My wife."

What is the difference between climate change and the greenhouse effect, once a philosopher, twice a sodomite?

What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree?

Hold on to your nuts, this ain't no ordinary blowjob.

What do Catholic priests and JCPenny's have in common?

Little boys' pants half off.

What is Hitler's favorite game?

Nahtzee.

Me: If a skinny person goes skinny dipping, then what do fat people do?

My friend: Chunky dunks.

What's Al Qaeda's favorite football team?

New York Jets.

What did the woman with no hands get for Christmas? No idea. She hasn't opened her present yet.

*on a date*

me - "I get to work with animals all day."

her - "How sweet! What do you do?"

me - "I'm a butcher."