Whats jokes
What’s the similarity between a bag of chips and a gun?
When you pull one out in class, everybody wants to be your friend.
What does Johnny Depp do when his kids are not home?
Cocaine.
what do you call a suicide bomber that loves water? a bath bomb.
What's the difference between a baby and a salad?
Most people don't get angry when you toss a salad.
What is the most expensive haircut? Chemotherapy.
What did Michael Jackson say to the kid on his lap?
"You have a great singer inside you."
What do Pink Floyd and Princess Diana have in common?
Their last big hit was the wall.
You find yourself stuck in a hole with a murderer, a rapist, and a lawyer. You're armed, but you only have 2 bullets left. What do you do?
Shoot the lawyer. Twice.
What do Catholic priests and JCPenny's have in common?
Little boys' pants half off.
What's the most played game in Africa? Hunger Games.
What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree?
Hold on to your nuts, this ain't no ordinary blowjob.
What is the difference between climate change and the greenhouse effect, once a philosopher, twice a sodomite?
What do five dicks sticking out of glory holes and five udders both have in common? They are ready for milking.
What did Hellen Keller do when she fell in a hole?
She screamed until her hands got tired.
What's Al Qaeda's favorite football team?
New York Jets.
What did the woman with no hands get for Christmas? No idea. She hasn't opened her present yet.
*on a date*
me - "I get to work with animals all day."
her - "How sweet! What do you do?"
me - "I'm a butcher."
What is worse than a dead baby? A pile of dead babies.
What's worse than that? The one at the bottom is still alive.
What is worse still? It has to eat its way out.
What's worse than that? It went back for seconds.
What does a pulse and an orgasm have in common?
I don't care if she has one.
What's the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?
A mosquito stops sucking when you slap it.