Whats jokes

What is the worst thing about breaking up with a Japanese girl?

You need to drop the bomb twice on her before she gets it.

What's the difference between my car and a hooker? I park my car in a garage instead of leaving it on the side of the road.

What do you get when you throw a baby into the wheat thresher?

An erection.

What do french fries 🍟 do when they meet?

They ketchup.

What do women have on an empty stomach? A miscarriage.

What do you call a vegetable who has escaped prison?

An escapea.

What do you call the place where an octopus is sitting?

Octopied.

I was at a funeral for some kids in a school shooting. I don’t understand why everyone was so sad, so I asked a lady, "what’s so sad?" and she said, "What do you think was running through these kid’s head before they died?" I replied, "probably a bullet." She gasped and said, "do you have any idea how insensitive that is? What do you think is running through their parent’s heads?" I said "probably all the money they're losing from this funeral."

What's the one good thing about pedophiles? They slow down near schoolzones.

What did one cell say to his sister when she stepped on his toe? Mitosis!

What’s the difference between a bird and a human?

“We don’t eat with our peckers.”

What do you call your brother in Alabama? Daddy.

Little Johnny's dad was driving him to school when they came up on a couple in a convertible. It was apparent that they were arguing. You could then see the woman pull out a knife. Seconds later, his dad saw a penis land in the windshield. Worried little Johnny will see it, he quickly turned on the wipers and brushed it off.

"What was that, Dad?" asked lil Johnny. "Oh, just a bug," said his father. With a confused look on lil Johnny's face, he then says, "That bug sure had a big dick, didn't he?"

What's better than roses on a piano?

Tulips on an organ.

What do you call Mexicans in a band trying to be a white band?

"Juan Direction."

So, I was fucking my daughter the other day and my wife walked in... I don't know what was funnier: the look on her face, or that the abortion clinic let me keep her.

On the inside of a fire hydrant you'll find H2O. What's on the outside? K9P.

What is the difference between a washing machine and a hooker?

I can put a load in the washing machine without it following me.

What's the difference between a man and a table?

The table doesn't cry when I break its legs.

God: Ok, so I created adults. And I created how they are supposed to look from being born to preteen.

Satan: (slides in) I’ll take over for you, pops.

God: I dunno... this is very delicate work. Just one wrong thing can ruin the system.

Satan: Don’t worry your beard off! (Pats his back) I’ll just do the ages from 12 to 18!

God: Hmm... I’m still not- (Gets a call on his phone) Shoot, I got to take this. (Answers call) Don’t touch anything, Lucifer! (Walks away)

Satan:.......(just touches lightly, and alarms start blaring. He squeaks and runs away)

God: (rushes in) WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO?!?!

God: (tries fixing problems. Only gets alarms off) Fuck me........

God:....(sighs) Fine, it’ll stay. We’ll just call it....puberty.