What do my wife and dinner have in common? They are both vegetables.
Whats Jokes
What's overcrowded and uncomfortable?
My mind.
What’s a movie that’s related to an orphan? “Spider-Man: No Way Home.”
What’s the difference between your wife and a light switch?
I don’t turn on a light switch.
What do emos and the Lorax have in common?
They both hang with trees.
What type of doctor is Doctor Pepper?
A fizzician.
Jump in the Cadillac. (Girl, let's put some miles on it.) Anything you want. (Just to put a smile on it.) You deserve it, baby, you deserve it all, And I'm gonna give it to you. Gold jewelry shining so bright, Strawberry champagne on ice, Lucky for you, that's what I like, that's what I like. Lucky for you, that's what I like, that's what I like.
-Tommyinnit
What did the evil chicken lay?
Deviled egg.
Daughter: Mommy?
Mom: Hey.
Daughter: What kind of kids do they use to make Sour Patch Kids?
Mom: They don’t use kids to make Sour Patch Kids.
Daughter: Oh, that’s why the ones I made taste kind of funny...
One day, a lady and her husband were talking and it was time for dinner. He got up and sat at the dining room table, and the lady brought the plate of food in and she sat it down in front of him. "What's this?" he said. The lady said, "A piece of shit...honey! Want some water to drink?"
What did the pirate say when he saw a ghost? He said, "Oh my God, it's me dead parrot!"
What's My Favorite Thing About My Grandpa?
His life insurance...
What day is Labor Day?
It's the day mommies have their babies.
What's at the bottom of the ocean and shivers?
A nervous wreck.
Q: What’s the difference between an orphan and a baseball field?
A: A baseball field has a home base.
What did the Chinese man say to his wife?
I'll chin you later.
What's the difference between a pig and a police officer?
The pig smells better.
What game did Al-Qaeda play with the Twin Towers on September 11th, 2001? Jenga.
What do you call an orphan's family photo?
A self-portrait.
LMAO, what is the difference between an orphan and a watermelon?
One's fun to hit with a sledgehammer, the other's just a watermelon.
