What's worse than having a comedian as president? Having a president that has dementia.
Whats Jokes
Me: What do you want to do for your birthday?
Fiancé: I want to go somewhere I've never been before!
Me: Well welcome to the Kitchen!
What do you call an autistic kid if he was short?
A short tistic.
What did the blanket say when he fell off the bed?
Oh sheet!
What do you call an ex-lesbian?
A clitter quitter.
What is something that makes you wish you were dead, rips your skin off, is small, can wear you out in two seconds, betray you in any way possible, and can eat you alive?
Kid's.
In kindergarten, we were starting to learn how to use "big kid words." On Monday, the teacher asked everyone to share what they did over the weekend, but we had to use big kid words.
Eventually it got to my turn, and the teacher asked me what I did over the summer. I told her I read a book. She asked me what book, and to remember to use "big kid words." I'll never forget the horrified look on her face when I replied with "Winnie the Shit."
What do you call a kid with 15 nukes and a shotgun?
The final countdown.
What’s Stephen Hawking’s favorite food?
His left shoulder.
Two terrorists walk into a bar, and the bartender says, "What can I get you?"
The terrorists both say, "A beer."
The bartender overhears them talking about how they will kill 300 people and a donkey. The bartender says, "Why a donkey?"
One terrorist says, "See, I told you no one would care about the people!"
What does an orphan and a dog have in common?
Both got taken from their parents.
What is the difference between Jesus and the devil?
When the devil came to Earth, he was the one with the nail gun.
What is the difference between an orphan and Pikachu? Pikachu, I choose you!
What's the difference between 8 and 9? When you have the 9, everyone wants to be your friend.
What's the same with your dad and Retail Row?
They are both off the map.
What is an emo's favorite game?
To delete Cut the Rope.
Why are orphans bad at poker?
Because they don't know what a full house is!
My friend, you lit my mind: that's what the lighter said to my thighs.
Okay, what do you call a dummy that writes a dumb writer?
What do you call a stupid pig? A pious.
