New Whats Jokes - Page 167 - Worst Jokes Ever

I got my COVID test today, it says 50. What does that mean? Also, my IQ test came back positive.

What do an Apple company and an orphanage have that are different?

Apples actually get picked... Unlike little Timmy here... He's been here for 16 years.

Two windmills stand at a farm. One asks the other, "What is your favorite kind of music?"

The other windmill replies, "I'm a huge metal fan!"

What’s the difference between an apple and an orphan?

The apple gets picked.

What's Kobe's favorite song?

"Helicopter Helicopter"

What's the difference between an orange?

A hippopotamus riding a four-door motorcycle.

What did the lettuce say to the carrot?

"Lettuce be friends!"

Why can't all orphans learn about ancient Egypt? Because they don't know what a mummy is.

What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?

An apple gets picked.

What do you call an emo that crossed a road? Roadkill.

Sister: Wanna know the difference between your singing and your flute playing?

Me: Sure... (Expecting a completely different response than what I get.)

Sister: Nvm, they have no difference.

Me: *Confused*

Sister: They're both horrible.

What lies at the bottom of the ocean and shivers?

A nervous wreck.

What do orphans like about tattoos? They stick around.

SOOOO my sister said her first bad word yesterday. "Shit." My mum was like, "What did you just say, child?"

Sister: "I said the cat shits inside like the dog shi- uh oh......"

Now I've avoided this stuff by making my own word: Sugarplum. Sugarplum = shit...

My sister made some pie, and it tasted horribly... so I said this.... "This pie is very sugarplum-y." She said, "What do you mean by that?" I said, "It tastes like sugarplums..."

What do you call a picture of an orphan? A selfie.

What do you call a picture of an orphan?

A family photo.

My late grandpa was always popular with women. One day, before he died, I asked him what his secret was. He said, "I inherited a watering hole."

Bewildered, I replied, "What does that have to do with anything?"

"I could easily get anyone wet because I was well endowed."

Two women, Jane and Emma, are in the afterlife waiting for judgement.

Emma turns to Jane and says, "I'm just curious, but how did you die?"

Jane replies with, "I burnt to death."

Emma, shocked, responds with, "That sounds horrible! What was it like?"

Jane answers with, "It first felt really hot and painful, but then I felt nothing. How did you die?"

Emma replies with, "Well, I believed my husband was cheating on me. I decided to leave work early one day to make sure he was loyal. I found him on the phone with his mother. I thought he was hiding something from me so I ran to the bedroom and found nothing. Then I sprinted to the kitchen and didn't find anything. I then jolted outside to the backyard and just found that he hadn't cleaned the pool. I was so tired from running that I fell over into the pool and drowned."

Jane retorts with, "Well if you checked the oven neither of us would be here right now."