Or is she asking her son, “Do you know Newton?” The boy said, “No, I don’t know.” She said to him, “If you had paid attention to your lessons, you would have known him!!” The boy said, “Ok, do you know Ikhlod?” She said to him, “No, who is she?” He said to her, “If you had paid attention to your husband, you would have known her.” The important thing is that the boy is currently a week with his uncles and a week with his turbans.
I can't believe I got fired at the calender factory. I mean... All I did was take a day off!
A news headline read: A toddler has shot a person every week in the US for two years straight He was in the infantry
Mom: That's why your dad left you.
Me: Why?
Mom: I mean look at you, depressed, suicidal, and unhappy, always anxious, and other mental health issues.
Me: How is that my fault? You are a rude mom!
Mom: Your dad had a heart attack 2 weeks before you were born, because you are ugly!
(This actually did happen in real life) -_-
Last week a girl asked me for sex. I had to disappoint her... so I said yes.
Did y’all hear about the increasing divorce rate because people are addicted to Fortnite? They’re just two week to quit.
Guy walks to his friends house his friend says “where is your girlfriend” guy says meet me at the cemetery in a week
My friend fell on the Nile river and Egypt last week he swears by it, but he’s in denial
So one day I was walking home from school with my best friend sally. She was worried to get home because she was going to tell her mom that bob the class rep got her pregnant a eight months ago and now it was obvious she was pregnant. So I said “sally it’ll be ok I’m sure she’ll be happy to get a grandson” “yeah thanks suzy” she said to me then went into her house. The next few weeks she didn’t show up to school so I was like oh she must be in trouble with her mom I’ll go check on her So I walk up to her house and her mom answers with a baby boy in her hands “oh hello. Is that Sally’s son!! Can I see sally?” Her mom says sure and I go inside but she leads me to the backyard and I see a tombstone “here lies sally 2004-2020” so I ask her mom in tears “oh did she not make it through the birth?” And her mom replied “you could say that..”
I went home to my girlfriend, with milk! She said, "Oh thank you honey!"
Then I got a call from a girl named Melissa. She called and said, "Steven, where the hell have you been? It's been two weeks and you still haven't come back yet?"
why can't an orphan live peacefully, Technoblade: as a ghost he could locate all orphan withing 2 weeks
The popular girl told me "I bet your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory!" Two weeks later, She shows up pregnant.
... I guess her rubber broke too
A woman walks in to a dentists office sits on the counter and spreads her legs. The dentist says i think you have the wrong idea with that the woman replies last week you gave my husband his false teeth now you can get them out.
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
As a son I like sports and I watch sports with my mom. So one day we were looking at football. My mom ask me who makes the most money I said the quarter back. My mom told me I going to get a quarter back has my new boyfriend and it be your new step father. a week lady my mom went out I came home I see my mom making out with a high school kid. I said whats going on my mom said look my new boyfriend and new step father is the high school quarter back. My mom said see mission accomplish. I said yeah job well done.
"Welcome to mama mia's pizzeria and abortion clinic, where last weeks lost is this weeks sauce."
little johnny's mom got a call from school saying to come over, as she dose she is met by the principal. they go into his office and the principal say "your son is going to be suspended for a week for blowing clouds in the bathroom." the mother responds "he is fifteen, how is he blowing clouds already? bring him in here." a boy walks in and johnnys mother says "this isnt my son, bring him in here i would like a word with him." the principal replies "ma'am, this is clouds." the mother feints
They say we have a primal sense, that we can just feel when someone is watching us
It’s been a few weeks, and its clear that you do not have that sense
Man with cancer: How much time do I have left? Doctor: Ten. Man: Weeks? Months? Days? Doctor Nine, eight, seven...
What is red, pink, and goes round and round?
A baby in a blender.
What is green, brown, and goes round and round?
The same baby 3 weeks later.
