Friend 1: did you? Depressed friend 2: I didn't! Friend one: swear on your life! Depressed friend 2: I swear A week later friend 2 dropped dead to their utter delight
I went home to my girlfriend, with milk! She said, "Oh thank you honey!"
Then I got a call from a girl named Melissa. She called and said, "Steven, where the hell have you been? It's been two weeks and you still haven't come back yet?"
I don't wanna brag, but I finished a puzzle in under a week and it said 2-4 years on the box.
why can't an orphan live peacefully, Technoblade: as a ghost he could locate all orphan withing 2 weeks
Or is she asking her son, “Do you know Newton?” The boy said, “No, I don’t know.” She said to him, “If you had paid attention to your lessons, you would have known him!!” The boy said, “Ok, do you know Ikhlod?” She said to him, “No, who is she?” He said to her, “If you had paid attention to your husband, you would have known her.” The important thing is that the boy is currently a week with his uncles and a week with his turbans.
I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a muscle.
Did you just come from a bakery? Because you’ve got the hottest pair of buns I’ve seen all week.
They say we have a primal sense, that we can just feel when someone is watching us
It’s been a few weeks, and its clear that you do not have that sense
im black and i have a dying family in my basement that assent ate in 2 weeks they need help btw its a joke lol
You know having an uncle is a good thing sometimes! I get a pair of shoes every week. He says it’s my reward for playing the tickle game with him in his damp and dark basement. It hurts sometimes. But hey, new shoes!
Man with cancer: How much time do I have left? Doctor: Ten. Man: Weeks? Months? Days? Doctor Nine, eight, seven...
I asked my dog this morning how her weeks been going- she said "ruff". I feel her you know? I feel her.
queen elizabeth died a couple weeks ago im still trying to find the reboot catd
I’m going back to the house to get some stuff for my dad and then I’m going to have a car and a birthday party came up for the weekend at the end of the week I was going to get my birthday cake for the day
There was once a young sister who never got anything good for her birthday, and she was sick of it. So one day the girl asked for a puppy, and the parents said yes. When she got the puppy, he was nice. But the puppy needed food every two minutes. The parents eventually the parents got sick of it and came up with a plan. Two weeks passed and the younger and less fat sister asked where her other sister was as she wanted to play barbies. “And also, why haven’t you been feeding the dog? He needs food you know.” The parents only answered with “oh! Yes, you can have a room all to yourself now. And about the puppy..he won’t need feeding for years.”
yo hair so big it took me weeks to find the needle in it
People always ask what the secret of our families happiness is. It is simple really. 1 Television and computer games are limited to a couple of hours each week. 2. We all give each other a hand when needed. Last but not least we play twister.
