Week Jokes

I don't wanna brag, but I finished a puzzle in under a week and it said 2-4 years on the box.

I asked my dog this morning how her weeks been going- she said "ruff". I feel her you know? I feel her.

My grandma always loved to craft clothing. She dyed last week.

I would like to dedicate this song to a friend of mine, who was run over last week and is in hospital.

The wheels on the bus go round and round!

Reporter: "Excuse me, may I interview you?" Man: "Yes!" Reporter: "Name?" Man: "Abdul Al-Rhazim." Reporter: "Sex?" Man: "Three to five times a week." Reporter: "No no! I mean male or female?" Man: "Yes, male, female... sometimes camel." Reporter: "Holy cow!" Man: "Yes, cow, sheep... animals in general." Reporter: "But isn't that hostile?" Man: "Yes, horse style, dog style, any style." Reporter: "Oh dear!" Man: "No, no deer. Deer run too fast. Hard to catch."

When I was 14 my mum caught me wanking and she slapped me across the face a couple weeks later my dad caught me having a beer and he made me drink 40 beers and I just thought we’ll I’m glad he didn’t catch me wanking

I really like those 'driverless cars'. I saw loads of them last week, in the car park.

What's a rapper's favorite day of the week?

FREESTYLE FRIDAY

A man walks into an AA meeting and ask for a roadmap.

What is the difference in having a granny fetish and necrophilia? A few weeks.

Last week I found out my toaster is waterproof.

Two boys are talking on the bus Boy 1: I feel like i'm forgetting something. Boy 2: hey did you hear about that school shooting last week? Boy 1: oh that's right

I haven't talked to my wife in three weeks. -- I didn't want to interrupt her.

So, I got my blind friend a big Mac for his birthday, a week later he walked up to me and said "Damn, that was the most violent book I've ever read."

Why did the Royal Wedding get more publicity then the SantaFe school shooting?

Cause Royal Weddings dont happen every week.

I’ve seen more life in a bowl of WEEK-OLD GUACAMOLE than in BLESSEDBRIAN’S jokes

We need more women in the military! They can bleed for weeks and still not die!

A week before Christmas my wife left me, she said I was too selfish and full of myself and she could not take it anymore. On Christmas eve Santa asked me what I wanted for Christmas and I said, "all I want is the one I love more than anyone else in the world." On Christmas morning I woke up in a box under my Christmas tree.

Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?" Student: "Meat!" Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?" Student: "Bacon!" Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?" Student: "Homework!"