Wealth jokes
A cell phone in an upscale gym locker room in NYC rings and the man puts it on loud speaker next to him. Everyone else in the room stops to listen:
Man: Hello? Woman: Hi honey, it's me. Are you at the club? Man: Yes. Woman: I’m out shopping and found a beautiful leather coat. It’s only $2,000 – is it OK if I buy it? Man: Sure, go ahead if you like it that much. Woman: I also stopped by that new Lexus dealership and saw one of the new models I really like – it’s on an opening special. Man: How much? Woman: $90,000. Man: Wow! OK, but for that price I want it with all the options. Woman: Great! Oh, and one more thing... I was just talking to Jamie and found out that the house we wanted to buy last year is back on the market... they’re asking $980,000 for it. Remember it was well over a million when we looked at it? Man: I dunno. Make an offer for $900,000 and they’ll probably take it. If not, we can go the extra $80,000 if that’s what you really want. Woman: OK. I’ll see you later! I love you so much! Man: I love you to.
The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room were staring at him in astonishment, mouths wide open.
The man turns around and says: “Anyone know whose phone this is?”
Why do goalkeepers have so much money in the bank?
Because they are really good at saving.
The Trump family are flying from New York to DC when Donald looks down on the cities below.
Trump: "I think I’ll throw a $1000 bill out the window and make some American happy."
Melania: "Oh honey, why not throw ten $100 bills out the window and make ten Americans happy?"
Ivanka: "Even better daddy, throw 100 ten dollar bills out the window and make 100 people happy."
Pilot: "Why don’t you all jump out the window and make the whole country happy?"
What's the difference between a Lamborghini and a hostage?
I don't have a Lamborghini in my garage.
Why did I buy the orphan an iPhone 12? Because he couldn't get home.
You're so poor, people break into your house and leave things.
Wanna hear a joke about Donald Trump?
Ok, Melania totally married him for his good looks, believe me!
Just give me my money (clap clap clap).
Why do elephants never get rich?
Because they work for peanuts!
What's the difference between a Ferrari and a sack of dead babies? I don't have a Ferrari in my garage.
A millionaire LOVES alligators and filled his pool full of alligators. One night he has a party and says, "Whoever can swim from one end to the other of the alligator infested pool unharmed will get a prize, my daughter or a million dollars." Some people line up but they are hesitant. One man gets in the water, swims from one end to the other unharmed, and went to the millionaire. The millionaire says, "Wow, I can't believe you did it! So what's your prize?" The guy says, "I don't care about the million dollars or your daughter, I just want to know who the b@$*ard was that pushed me in the pool!"
How do you know if a rapper's broke?
When he starts dropping cents instead of bars.
If you could add one zero to any number for the rest of your life, what would it be and why?
What is the difference between my Lamborghini and a pile of dead babies?
I don't keep my Lamborghini in my garage.
What does Kylie Jenner feed her baby? Plastic MILK! LOL
What do you call a rich Chinese person?!? Kaching!
What’s the difference between 80 dead babies and a Lambo? I don’t have a Lambo in my garage.
What color is your Bugatti?
What’s the difference between a pile of corpses and a Mclaren P1?
I don’t have a garage.
Police officers hope you’re a criminal.
Doctors hope you get sick.
Mechanics hope you get car troubles.
But only thieves wish you prosperity.
Weird?