What is the best way to keep dogs out of the street?
Put them in a barking lot!
If you wanna get fat, what's the quickest way to do it?
Eat two jars of mayo each day, and in about a month, your scale will have your phone number!
What's fun to search for in investigation?
The Milky Way!
The best way to tell someone that you don't like them is by texting them "370HSSV 0773H" and tell them to read it upside down.
What does an orphan and a lost kid have in common?
They have no way home.
I love you all the way to Uranus! 🤣
What did Jesus say when he was left hanging on the cross?
"Well this is one hell of a way to spend my Easter vacation!"
Father: I'm taking your toys to the orphanage. Child: But why? · Doctor: I'm going to have to turn you away. Orphan: But why?
Yo mama is so slow, when she stepped on the highway they had to order a crane to come move her from starting traffic.
How do u catch a tame rabbit?
The tame way.
Did you hear about the old Italian chef?? Yeah he pasta away.
Then a man walked comprehending to be him. Everyone knew he was an impasta.
If you're sleeping, and you fall in your dream, you may have died, and the angels dropped you.
Or you don't wake up, and you were on your way to hell.
Me: “You guys wanna know a cool fact?”
Friend 1: “Yeah.”
Friend 2: “Yea.”
Me: “Japan is RIGHT that way. If we swim all night...we’ll be able to get to Japan.”
Friend 3: “I love anime.”
Friend 1 & 2: “Nononononononononono!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
Me: *Laughs at Friend 3*
What is the best way to kill a special ed kid?
Call them retarded.
What’s the easiest way to dig a hole to China?
Through my arm.
Why do we even live? We're just gonna die anyway, so what's the point?
By the way, why are there no knock knock jokes about America?
Because freedom rings, but they never answer that door.
Enjoy!
Your lips are so big, it turns the Grand Canyon sideways.
Hi, my name is Uncle Joe, and I like kids in a way that makes their parents not trust me anymore.
A 17 year old pregnant Juanita flew all the way to NY from TX to get an abortion. Initially, she was denied the procedure because she wasn't COVID boosted, but after she explained the father was religious and wanted to be involved, they quickly resolved the threat.
