There were 30 high school seniors taking finals, and once they finished, the teacher, Mrs. Jones, walked up and down the classroom to collect the tests, and asked, "So, are you guys ready for college?" And Brian answered, "No way. School is just a waste of time, every day taking *seven cruel hours of our lives*." Angela replied, "Never! Like Brian said, school is just a waste of time, and the next level is surely not worth paying $50,000 for. Besides, math class is *mental abuse to humans*!" And Jack said, "School has been a waste of so much time I'll never get back, and after these *finals* I've realized... *fuck, I never actually learned shit*!"
Way Jokes
What's the best way to get chewing gum out of your hair?
Cancer.
Okay, okay, so one day I was on the way home, and this kid said, "Man, I could kick your butt." Five seconds later, I kicked his butt.
Q: How did Helen Keller's parents punish her? A: They put a plunger in the toilet.
Q: How many kids did Helen Keller have? A: None, the plunger went all the way up.
One day, a priest is walking down the street and sees a little girl with a box. "What's in the box?" the priest asks. "Christian kittens," the little girl answers.
Pleased, the priest smiles and continues on his way.
A week later, the same priest is walking down the street with a nun when he sees the little girl and the box again. "Ask her what she has in the box," he says, "It's the cutest thing!"
The nun walks up and asks the girl what she has in the box. "Atheist kittens," she says.
The priest rushes forward and says, "ATHEIST KITTENS!!! Last week you said they were 'Christian kittens!!!'"
"They were," she says. "Now their eyes are open."
“Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, And sorry I could not travel both And be one traveler, long I stood And looked down one as far as I could To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair, And having perhaps the better claim, Because it was grassy and wanted wear; Though as for that the passing there Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay In leaves no step had trodden black. Oh, I kept the first for another day! Yet knowing how way leads on to way, I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh Somewhere ages and ages hence: Two roads diverged in a wood, and I— I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference.”
Teacher, there are 3 birds. 1 gets shot. How many are left?
Student, none. They flew off because the shot scared them off.
Teacher, actually 2, but I like the way you think.
5 minutes later
Student, there are 3 women eating ice cream. 1 is licking it, 1 is drinking it melted, and 1 is sucking it. Which one is married?
Teacher, the one sucking it?
Student, no, the one with the ring, but I like the way you think.
Chapter 1. "Kid teacher"
Mrs. Lewis: Class, I want everyone to look at their textbooks and find a reasonable essay topic. My suggestion is page 232 or 678. Now, this essay counts as the final grade for the semester. Now do it, or you will repeat 5th grade again! Now turn to page 100, and we'll start reading from there. Do you all understand?
Neilela: Yes ma'am, quick question, we don't have to do it today... do we?
Mrs. Lewis: Yes! It is today!
Andrua: It sounds boring, and all I have to do today is be a big jerk who gives way too much instruction.
Mrs. Lewis: Anyway, let's get to work.
56 hours later.
Mrs. Lewis: Kids, when I call you, please tell me what you liked about your essay. When I call your name, Carl.
Carl: Why me? Yes?
Mrs. Lewis: What did you like about the story, Carl?
Carl: Um... I liked it when... um... um... um... um...
Jeklen: He didn't even read the story because he's too busy trying to look up the letter "J" and its meaning!
Carl: Jeklen, shut up and stop biting your hair.
Jeklen: At least I know what the letter "J" is.
Mrs. Lewis: Class, please listen. Carl, did you read the story that I asked you?
Carl: Well, not really because you were the one reading it in class, so...
Vronica: For real!
Carl: Mhmmm
Mrs. Lewis: Listen class, this homework needs to be done today! DO IT!
Kimbriel: Ms. Lewis, I have a lot of questions about tonight's homework.
Mrs. Lewis: Yes?
Kimbriel: You assigned so many things just for a little test! What?
Mrs. Lewis: I need a break! Peyton, you're in charge!
All students: NO, NOT PEYTON !!!!!!
Peyton: Me? In charge? Of the class?
Jessica: Wow, but you're all about the boredom!
Peyton: Shut up! yeeeeeeee
Peyton: Ms. Lewis, there must be a mistake, how can I be in charge? I'm 11... I think...
Ari: To think that yesterday she thought she was 8 years old.
Oh sorry... I think.
Mrs. Lewis: Have you ever heard of a teacher's vacation?
All students: That's not a thing!
I never heard of it...
Mrs. Lewis: Well, me and Ms. Sumrall, we are going on a "teacher vacation", we can do it because we become calmer, or we don't get angry at the students. AND WE CAN DO IT!
Khloe: Why?
Mrs. Lewis: Because I am an adult.
Ms. Sumrall: Is Petrina ready?
Ms. Lewis: Yes, thank goodness for this!
Kenya: Bye? "Chapter 2" To be continued...
Do nut get in my way.
Do nut get in my way.
Prince/Lord Tallie: Leave Gwen alone for once! By the way, you are an idiot!
Gwen: The Prince! WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN!? I THOUGHT YOU WERE TOTALLY DEAD, AND SO I STARTED DATING TANNER! But don't worry, I'll break up with him immediately!
Prince/Lord Tallie: Oh, don't worry, I love it! By the way, can't we do our late-night talk? My Wi-Fi comes out just before we can! I love you even more! 😘
Gwen: Oh, thanks! I thought you would hate me! And yes, we don't have to chat at night, but the days are going to be choppy. I love you!
Tanner: Fuck off.
Kenya Bailey: Excuse me?
Gwen: Tanner, it was all my fault, I shouldn't have tried to date you so fast, and did you see the talk about the boring jokes?
Zre: Who the hell is Tanner?
Ha: Wait a second, he's your boyfriend!
Kenya Bailey: Okay guys, let's not get into your business, okay! Let's see funny jokes.
Ha: Yes, you're right.
Zre: Ok.
Zre: Still, who the hell is Tanner! But hey, this is your toddler's toy! Even though I thought I was a prince.
Gwen: I thought Prince was dead, so I started dating Tanner, then I realized Prince was alive.
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. "Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?" The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?"
The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?" The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. "You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."
"Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
Jorden Calerendiá.
I bet you are a child molester who got out of jail and is now sexually harassing kids such as Addison! Will fuck off and get a life, by the way your roasts are not fucking funny they are bullshit like your face and your hairline.
Lil Johnny's teacher wanted to play an alphabet game, so she said, "What word starts with A?" Lil Johnny raised his hand fast, but she knew that he would say "ass," so she picked on Sally and she said, "Apple." She said, "What word starts with B?" Little Johnny raised his hand as fast as he could, but she knew that he would say something like "bitch," so she picked on Emmanuel and Emmanuel said, "Banana." She went all the way to W. Little Johnny raises hand as fast as he could again, and the teacher thought of a cuss word that could start with the letter W. She could not think of a cuss word that could start with W, so she called on Little Johnny. Little Johnny said, "Wow." The teacher said, "Good job." Then Little Johnny said, "Like wow, two elephants fucking!"
Your forehead's so big, Jupiter's moons look up to it.
If you shined a light on it, it would reflect and be a star in the Andromeda galaxy.
Your forehead's so big, it's the main foundation for the wall of China.
Your forehead's so big, it makes up half of the Milky Way's mass.
Your forehead's the reason why the Earth still spins.
Okay, Gwen, I'll be offline for a while... so if anyone by my name types anything, it's a fake. The only way you know it's me is if I say one of my nicknames. Okay, so yeah, take care of my account while I'm gone. BYE!!!!
I will always remember my grandpa's last words after robbing a bank: "Oh, shit! The pigs are catching up!" But the cops did not kill him; he drove full speed off a cliff.
Jack and Jill went up a hill to smoke weed.
Jack and Jill got high, and Jack ripped Jill's clothes right off her. Then Jill ripped Jack's clothes off. Jack, when they were fully naked, they started to kiss, but Jack stopped. Jill said, "I know you wanna." Jack said, "No," but Jill jumped on that candy stick anyway. Jack gave in to Jill.
Jill got off, then let Jack suck her candy stick. Jill sucked on Jack's candy stick.
Jill went up to a bar to play a game of pool. Then Jack came in and asked Jill if she wanted to ride in his new car. She said, "I have to think." Then Jack said, "At least let me buy you a drink." After 5 drinks, he asked again. This time she said yes, so they got in the car and Jack and Jill rode up a hill to Jack's home. Then Jack said, "Close your eyes, I got a surprise!" So Jack lead Jill to his room then said, "Open your eyes!" So Jill opened her eyes, then Jack got them some red wine. Jack got drunk and unzipped his fly and Jack said, "I know you wanna." She said, "No way!" So Jack gave her one more drink, then she passed out. Then Jack ripped all his clothes off. Then he did the same to Jill. Then he did it till 3am.
Can we please stop the fricking drama! I see people bullying other people, too. Gwen is not the only one. For God's sake, just do jokes! If you want to bully someone, do it in your family! You people don't even know each other, but we're still doing this stupid nonsense! Just make jokes, people! That is why it's called "Worst Jokes Ever," not "Bully People Ever." So shut up and get a life, dum-dums! Geez! The only reason why I come here is to spread jokes and kindness like Gwen and others, not to spread hate and foolishness from people who don't even know better things to do but to hate on stupid strangers from different parts of the fricking world!!!!
"Addison, shut up. You're only 8 years old. What do you know?"
I might be 8, but at least I got some sense, and plus, I'm way smarter than you guys anyway. I'm in alert. You know, like a very, very, very intelligent kid! That can spell instead of saying "u," I say the true "you," instead of "pls," it's "please." Sorry if I did mean it... which I don't!
