Water jokes
Titanic walks into a bar. Britannic: "What would you like to drink?" Titanic: "An iceberg."
Last night I had a dream about fishing poles, turns out it wasn't reel!
If your eyes were the sea, I would drown in them.
You're so skinny, if you take a bath you look like you're in an ocean. 🛀🏊♂️
Did you know the pool in the Titanic is still full?
Why did the chipmunk swim on its back?
To keep its nuts dry.
What's yellow and can't swim but screams when it goes under?
A school bus full of kids.
How many oz of water does it take to screw a light bulb?
None, also what the heck are you doing with water when people in Africa don’t have any?
The Titanic basically nominated all the passengers for the ice bucket challenge.
A local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing bet of one thousand dollars that their bartender could squeeze a lemon dry until all the juice ran into a glass, and anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money. Many people had tried but failed. Over time, weight lifters, lumberjacks, men in the Army, and etc. But still, nobody could do it.
One day, a scrawny little man came in wearing thick glasses and a cheap suit and said in a tiny squeaky voice, "I'd like to try the bet." After the laughter had died down, the bartender said, "okay," and he grabbed a lemon and squeezed away. Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the rhine to the little man. But the crowd's laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass. As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the one thousand dollars and asked the little man, "What do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a weight lifter, or what?" The man simply replied, "I work for the IRS."
Why are Demons dying from Priestwater? The soul from a Priest is completely different.
Four gay guys are sitting in a Jacuzzi when all of a sudden, a condom starts floating. One of the gay guys turns around and asks, "Okay, who farted?"
Yo Father, don't use the baptism bath. I cleaned my anal plug in there.
What?
The holy water gets all the ass off. Don't mind the white stuff. *clears throat*
What happens when water loses its bottom jaw?
It had a hurt o-chin (ocean)!
Chuck Norris orders his coffee black, without water.
A toddler was giving her daddy a tea party.
She brought him a little cup of "tea" which was just water, of course. After several cups of tea, her Mom came home. Dad made her wait in the living room to watch his little Princess bring him a cup of tea, because it was, "Just the cutest thing!" Mom waited, and sure enough, here she come down the hall with a cup of tea for Daddy. She watches him drink it up and then says, "You know the only place she can reach water, is the toilet!"
Two fish walked into a wall. One said to the other, "Dam!"
Q: What do you call a nun in a pool? A: A bath bomb.
They say Jesus walked on water.
That's nothing. Stephen Hawking ran on batteries.
Why do orphans eat cereal with water?
Their dad did not come back with the milk.