Water jokes
What does a shark smoke? Sea-weed.
How do whales breathe underwater? They take a deep meth.
What comes up on small oceans? Microwaves.
I have a fish that can breakdance only for 20 seconds, and he can only do it once.
What do you call James Bond in a bathtub?
Bubble 007.
A husband walks into the bedroom door holding two aspirin and a glass of water.
His wife asked what that was for.
"It is for your headache."
"I don't have a headache."
He smiles. "Gotcha!!!!"
A chemical store burned down, and the firefighter just stood there, but at the end, the store fire just went out by itself. But the store owner still got angry.
Store owner: Why didn't you take out the fire?
Firefighter: Yeah, but it went out by itself.
Store owner: But still, why?
Firefighter: Your chemical store sells H20.
Store owner: Oh, I get it now!
Your mama so fat, when she asked for a water bed they put a blanket over the Pacific Ocean.
I saw my wife at the dam yesterday. Drat. I was hoping she might float a bit more downstream.
Why are fish smart?
They live in a school.
What does a cannibal call people in water?
Sea food.
Girl, is your butt made of water, because it is tubig?
What do you call a terrorist in a kids' swimming pool?
A bath bomb.
Fishermen are the best at networking.
I took a sip of water.
What's yellow and can’t swim?
Your dead fish.
One day I was jogging through the park and I saw this lady sitting next to a pond in a wheelchair with no legs and arms and said "Why are you crying" she said she had never been hugged I gave her a hug and jogged away.The next day i saw her again and asked her the same question she said "I've never been kissed" I gave her a kiss and went, The third day i asked her thrice and she said I've never been fucked I picked her up from her wheelchair and throwed her in the pond and said your fucked now She didn't make it:)
Why couldn't the GREAT WHITE beat the HAMMERHEAD?
because the GREAT WHITE kept getting BONKED on the HEAD by the HAMMERHEAD!
The most confusing day of my life was when I found out my toaster was waterproof.
What did the mouse say after its bath?
"I feel squeaky clean!"
Why can Jesus walk on water?
Because rubbish floats.