Want jokes

Once there were twins, Mark and Michael. Mark was the owner of an old boat. It so happened that Michael's wife died the same day that Mark's boat sank. A few days later, a kindly old woman saw Mark and mistook him for Michael. She said, "I'm sorry to hear about your loss. You must just feel terrible." Mark, thinking that she was talking about his boat, said, "Heck no. In fact, I'm sort of glad to be rid of her. She was a rotten old thing right from the beginning. Her bottom was all shriveled up and she smelled like old dead fish. She was always losing her water; she had a bad crack in the back and a pretty big hole in the front too. Every time I used her, her hole got bigger and she leaked like crazy. I guess what finally finished her off was when I rented her to these four guys looking for a good time. I warned them that she wasn't very good, but they wanted to use her anyhow. The fools tried to get in her all at once and she split right up the middle!" The old lady fainted.

The depressed kid wanted a high-five from the tree, but it left him hangin'.

"I want to kill my family."

-realizes-

Hi, I'm new here and I'm 11. I'm just bored and want a girlfriend.

Does anyone have Snapchat or Twitter? I can show you what I look like ;)

What does Sonic say when he doesn't want to get caught fucking in public?

Gotta Go Fast!

Why did Daveon decide to become a magician? Because he wanted to make his problems "Daveon" disappear.

What is the difference between an adopted kid and an orphan?

If you're adopted, you're actually wanted.

The best news about a pretty girl with special needs is that you can get her to do exactly what you want her to do.

I mean, she probably thinks receiving oral is like 100% blood sausage coming right at her.

These are bee puns.🐝

I BEElieve you are eager to hear!🐝

I love to BEE a little 9 years old writing on this page.🐝

(Last one) I want to BEEcome a BEE. ;-; I kid... Like this now and please Subscribe to Kelly Qin on YouTube and she is my mom and she has a bake channel!

If Slade were a vegetable, he’d be a BRUSSELS SPROUT... small, bitter, and NOBODY wants him at the table.

Mom says: "I will go kill myself."

Me: *stays quiet cuz knows better than to talk* *also me internally eyerolls*

Some time later me fighting with my mom:

Me to my mom: "Oh, yea than kill me!"

Mom: "What the hell did you just say? I don't want to hear it from you again!"

Lesson?

So it's OK for adults to say "I'll kill myself" but not teens/kids!?!?

I always keep anti-fungal spray with me... because I don't want to share my girlfriend with anyone.

I recently became the coach of an orphanage baseball team.

Because I hate dealing with parents.

This is why they don't want to sell the Double Manhattan in pubs anymore.

I told my friend that we should dress up as P. Diddy and Drake for Halloween and ask parents if their kid wants to come over for a sleepover.

Hi, if you are suffering with depression and want to talk about it, please do so in the comments, and just know you are NOT alone.

Why do orphans want to be criminals?

You want a pizza from me!!!!

There were two friends talking one day. Tim tells John, "I think I'm gay."

John says to Tim, "What do you mean?"

Tim says, "When I grow up, I want to dress like a woman and sing karaoke in a bar and call myself (Gillette the best a man can get)!"

John says to Tim, "I think you're right, and thanks for reminding me I need to buy razors."

I am bored. Hey, Gwen, want to chat?