Want jokes

Do you want to give your life to God and be in Heaven?

My mom told me that my friend Paul is coming over, and he is going to sleep over, so I was happy.

The next day, I ask my mom, "Where's the dog?" My mom asks me, "What dog?"

Then I said to my mom, "I heard Paul say, 'Do you want it doggy?' and you said 'Yeah.'"

Say what you want about Jeffery Dahmer, but he always managed to get a head.

Unless Israel wants to become Hell Aviv, it would put itself on a tight leash, delivered specially from Uncle Sam.

I'm so jealous of babies with anencephaly.

They can eat all the ice cream they want and never get brain freezes.

If a gay male is married to a well-endowed, physically challenged gay male that has been sleeping in bed for three hours nonstop, and he wants him to wake up so he can fix him his morning breakfast, how does he wake him up?

Wake up sleeping Jesus by giving him a blowjob.

There were two friends talking one day. Tim tells John, "I think I'm gay."

John says to Tim, "What do you mean?"

Tim says, "When I grow up, I want to dress like a woman and sing karaoke in a bar and call myself (Gillette the best a man can get)!"

John says to Tim, "I think you're right, and thanks for reminding me I need to buy razors."

"Say what you want about the deaf."

Why can’t orphans go to jail? Because they aren’t wanted.

Two ropes meet. They ask each other, "Why are you wearing a hijab?" The other replies, "I want to go into the water now."

Are people still mad at Hasan from that dog incident? All he wanted to do was become the world’s first lightningbender.

The Towers wanted pepperoni pizza, but they got planned.

A farmer told me that he wanted a couple of acres, so I punched him in the teeth.

If 9/11 happened again, I want to share a selfie of me flying that plane.

What do you say if you want to borrow your black sister's foundation? "Got any lighter shades?"

Yo mama's so fat, when she wants to take a bath, they need to make more H2O.

An orphan can’t ever play Grand Theft Auto V because he can’t get a wanted level.

My girlfriend is so stupid, she asked me if I wanted to shower with her to save money on our water bill, while we were staying at a hotel where we didn't even have to pay the water bill.

My friend: I want to cut myself.

Me: No, don’t do that. *hands lighter* Do this instead.

Why were the Twin Towers mad?

They wanted pepperoni, but got plane instead.