Want jokes

Why doesn't Newton cut trees in vanilla Minecraft? Because he wants Minecraft to be realistic!

The police department made a new machine that will teleport you back to prison if you commit a crime. The police release 4 criminals: a hacker, a rapist, a serial killer, and a drug lord. The hacker tries to hack a bank. The hacker gets teleported back to prison. The drug lord tries to cook meth. The drug lord gets teleported back to prison. Now the serial killer decides that she wants to change, but when she sees a knife she just can’t help it. She bends down to pick up the knife and the rapist gets teleported back to prison.

What might an aborted child want for Christmas?

..... a home that isn't a bin.

One day my friend said: "I want tacos from Katie's, you?" and I said no thanks and she left. I never saw her again. Today I remember that I saw her name on TV as one of the victims of suicide, then I remember her and my motto: "If I'm dying, you're dying with me, you got no choice." I NEVER ate tacos from Katie's again.

I have to say my humor isn't the best, but I'll give this a go.

My science teacher always reminded us about kilometers per second. Now I want to kilometer per second.

You know those credit card inserters at Walgreens? I want to insert my credit card on my wrist.

I'll shut up now.

What's the difference between a criminal and an orphan?

One is wanted and one's not.

Her Name was Lola. She was a loner. At the Copa I saw her And I just wanted to bone her!

You want an insult? Right, look at the mirror.

If I wanted to kill myself, I'd climb your ego and jump to your IQ.

McDonald's called back and they said they want their logo back.

If Republicans really wanted to enact pro-life legislation, they would ban guns, not abortion.

Why did Hittle kill himself? Because he wanted to buy a car, but then Hittler farted.

Why are adopted kids better than bio kids? Because their parents actually wanted them.

What do you not say to an Emo if you want them to come round? "Wanna hang out."

The Ruler of Varvona wanted a fruitcake, but his subjects showed up at his castle with a Christian instead.

And he said: "NO, NO, NO! YOU IMBECILES! NOT THAT KIND OF FRUITCAKE!"

Jack and Jill wanted some pills.

So they went to the dealer; he saw they were kids and said, "Fuck this shit," then Jack rocked his ass and took all the good shit except birth control pills.

Hello! I'm Taylor, and this is my life story with me and my ex girl. So when I was little, I met this girl. Her name was Leah. We were besties for a while until I turned 13. Then I asked if she wanted to date me. She said yes!

But one day, in the middle of school, she was talking to another man!!!!!!! AND THEY HUGGED AND KISSED EACH OTHER ON THE CHEEK!!!!!! Then, she told me she hated me. I was so upset!!!!!!!! Whatever you do, don't follow the ugly rat!!!!!!!!! <3

I asked my girlfriend what she wanted to eat.

She said nothing, so I took her to Africa.

Why did the orphan rob the bank? Because he wanted to know what it felt like to be wanted.

My ex wanted to humiliate me in front of her friends, so she said I was useless in bed.

Should have seen her face when they all disagreed.