New Walk Jokes - Page 46 - Worst Jokes Ever

My daughter came home from school later than usual. I was panicking, then at 5:30 p.m. she arrived, not walking but in a bus 🚌. I asked, "Where the hell did this bus come from?" She said, "The garage in the alleyway, Mama. I bought it for five gummies and eight buttons. You like her? She is called Belle Bus." My face was just: 😑 How did you get the bus here? She replies with a whisper, "I drove her through five gardens, a house, and two police cars!" 🙃 So that explains why you have handcuffs on. "Yeah!"

What has two arms and two legs but can’t walk or run?

Stephen Hawking.

A polar bear walks into a bar, asks the barman, “A pint of lager................. and a packet of crisps.”

The barman asks, “Why the large pause?”

A duck walks into a bar and says, "Got any bread?"

The bartender says, "No bread here."

And then the duck says, "Got any bread?"

And the bartender says, "Didn't I just f***ing say that there was no bread here?"

And the duck says, "Got any bread?!"

And the bartender says, "You stupid duck! Or should I say d***? There's no bread here. Don't make me say that again, or I'll pin you to the wall with a nail."

So the duck says, "Got any nails?"

And then the bartender looks surprised, and says, "Of course I've got f***ing nails. Can't you see them?"

And the duck says, "Got any bread?"

And the bartender throws the duck out of the bar.

Did you hear about the dyslexic wanna-be bank robber? He walked in and yelled, "HANDS UP, THIS IS A MOTHER STICKING F##K UP!" The lucky idiot got away because nobody could stop laughing!

So, three guys are walking carefully into a bar.

The bartender said, "What can I get you, gentlemen?"

When someone falls, you say to them, "I remember when I started to learn to walk."

A drunk walks out of a bar late at night and sees a nun walking past on the footpath. He utters something hateful to himself as he begins running, building momentum before launching himself at the nun, catching her with a massive superman punch to the back of the head, knocking her tumbling brutally to the pavement.

He proceeded with a swift kicking to the nun's ribs and spine before grabbing the nun by the scruff of her habit and lifting her limp to her feet till face to face. Looking the nun dead in her eyes with menace, the drunk victoriously growled, "You're not so bloody tough tonight, are ya, Batman?"

An orphan walks into a supermarket, gets lost and calls for his mum, then remembers.

A lawyer bought a beautiful yacht. He invited the law firm to come aboard for a great weekend.

Saturday night was the candle light dinner and Sam drank too much, walked on the deck and fell over the rail into the water and was calling for help. Tom said, "Oh no, the sharks will get him." All of the party lined along the rail and noticed the sharks were swimming around him in a circle. Jim said, "The sharks are not even bothering him!" And a shark lifted up his head out of the water and said, "Professional Courtesy."

Why did Stephen Hawking walk across the road? Oh wait...

A priest, a minister, a rabbi and an imam walk into a bar.

The bartender looks at them and says, "Is this a joke?"

So a cupcake walks into a bar and sits down. The bartender says to himself, "Damn, this is some good shit."

Robert Smith walks into a hospital. The nurse says, "We have the cure!"

Walk up to an adopted kid and ask this, "How's your biological parents? Are they well?"

A Russian walked into a bar... unlucky for him, in Soviet Russia, you don’t walk into bars. Bars walk into you.

A man walks into his house, only to find out somebody stole all of his lamps. He was absolutely delighted.

Q: Two skeletons walk into a bar. What happens?

A: They fall.

(They walked into a BAR, as in a rod or whatnot.)

A man walks to the window and opens it and pulls out his phone and takes a photo. "One more picture and I'll jump." He takes another photo and shuts the window. "I can't jump, you're not supposed to throw trash out the window."