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Wait jokes

Mom: I was an orphan once. The kid: Oh, ok, idgaf. Mom: And you're gonna be too! :) The kid: Ok, idgaf- WAIT WHAT THE FU-

This man walks into a bar and says, "How do I get service here?"

The assistant bar attendant tells him to take a seat as the bartender will be there to serve him shortly. After 2 minutes, the man says this is ridiculous, that he has to wait. The assistant then offers him a bar snack of free nuts, which the man duly eats. Another 2 minutes go by, and the man then says, "OK, I get it, no service of beer, but free nuts," to which the assistant says, "Hell no, the game starts in 10 minutes." Everyone laughs and claps.

How does Helen Keller say "dad?"

I don’t know, but you should ask her... wait, never mind, she can’t talk.

A woman walks into a doctor's office. She schedules an appointment and sits down in the waiting room. When it's her turn to talk to the doctor, she describes all of her symptoms, and they're unlike anything he's heard before. The doctor runs a few tests and steps out of the room. He comes back later, and says, "Well, I have good news and bad news." The woman says, "I'll hear the good news first please." The doctor replies, "The good news is we're naming a disease after you!"

Child: Goodnight Mommy. Goodnight Daddy. Goodnight Grandma. Goodbye Grandpa!

Dad: Wait, why are you saying that?

Child: I just felt like it.

The next day, the Grandpa is dead.

Dad: That's just a VERY scary coincidence.

Child: Goodnight Mommy. Goodnight Daddy. Goodbye Grandma.

Dad: Wait, why are you saying that?

Child: I just felt like it.

The next day, the Grandma is dead.

Dad: That's just a VERY scary coincidence.

Child: Goodnight Mommy, Goodbye Daddy!

Dad: Oh no. If I survive until tomorrow, everything will be okay!

Survives until tomorrow.

Dad: Whew! That was nice! *Goes to house*

Mom: Honey! I was so worried about you! The mailman just dropped dead on our porch!

(If you don't get it, the mailman is the biological father)

I don't get why people don't like my abortion jokes. Do they have a stick up their ass? Wait, that's the other hole.

What do you do when you see a sad orphan?

Nothing, let them wait for their parents.

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    • A blonde, redhead, and brunette are all sitting in a hospital's waiting room for ultrasounds.

    After a while, the brunette giggles while rubbing her belly. Both the blonde and redhead look over at her and ask, "What's with the giggling?"

    The brunette replies, "I'm having a boy!"

    The blonde and the redhead ask, "How do you know?"

    "Because he was on top!" The brunette replies again.

    The three go back to conversing, and then the redhead starts to giggle while rubbing her belly.

    "What's with the giggling?" The blonde and brunette ask.

    "I'm having a girl!" The redhead replies.

    "Well, how do you know?" The blonde and brunette ask again.

    "I was on top!"

    All of a sudden, the blonde bursts into tears.

    "Oh, honey! What's wrong?" The redhead and brunette ask.

    "I'm having puppies!"

    A neighbor went up to me and asked me where my parents were. When I said, "In the bed," my neighbor said, "Oooooohh, how long is the penis?" I said, "Wait here," and I interrupted my parents while they were doing some "business" and asked my dad the exact question he said. Then he spanked me.

    Why didn't the skeleton go to prom?

    He was dead. You fool. You fell for my trick. I'm very heartless.

    Oh wait.

    You fool!

    One little orphan had roast beef, the other had none.

    One little orphan went to market, the other stayed home. Wait a second.

    I have a really good joke.

    Do you want to hear it?

    Oh wait, this is a bad joke website.