Vehicle jokes
A man crashed his new expensive car into a tree. He now knew how the Mercedes bends.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
It didn't, I hit it with my car 3 blocks down.
What's black and has wheels? Black wheels.
You're the bus driver. The bus driver picks up twenty kids, drops two, picks up eighty. Drops seven, picks up a woman with green eyes, drops off a man with blue, kicks a kid in the face, and buried his mother.
Who's the bus driver?
You will never nose [know].
Two fish were in a tank. One turned to the other and asked: "Hey, how do you drive this thing?"
My heart is like a plane.
It crashes every once in a while.
What’s the difference between a dumpster full of dead babies and a Lamborghini?
I don’t have a Lamborghini in my garage.
What's the difference between a Ferrari and 100 dead babies?
I don't have a Ferrari in my garage.
A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it.
Do your buses run on time?
No, they run on diesel.
Cindy goes up to her dad and says: "Daddy, can I have $100 for a new dress?"
Her dad almost gags and says: "$100! You're only 12, what do you want with such an expensive dress?"
Cindy says: "Well daddy, I'll look really pretty in it and I promise to look after it ..."
Dad gives in and says: "OK, give me a head-job then".
He flops it out and Cindy just get the end in her mouth and goes: "Eeee-yooo - that taste's like shit!"
Dad goes: "Well, your brother wanted to borrow the car this afternoon ..."
Why did Sally decide to fly to school?
She couldn't drive.
Your mum is so fat, she gets hit by a parked car!
What bounces up and down at 100 miles per hour?
A baby tied to the back of a pick up truck.
I had a dream about a car, and I woke up exhausted.
What’s green and has wheels?
Grass, I lied about the wheels.
Yo mama is so slow, when she stepped on the highway they had to order a crane to come move her from starting traffic.
A Ford?
How does a blonde turn the light off after sex?
She closes the car door.
Why did the bike fall over?
Because it was two tired.