Use Jokes

One day I was with my mom and we had no money on the credit card, and we live far, and my mom was hungry.

A guy and his friend had a car and asked us if we were lost. We said no, we have no ride, no money, and my mom is hungry. So the guy would take us for a blowjob each, so I was driving the car and my mom gave both guys a blowjob. We had to get out of the car to look for something, then the two guys went in the car and told us we got bad news and good news. I asked what the bad news was. They said that they're not taking us home, so I asked what the good news was. They told me that they fed my mom and drove off. I guess where they left us wasn't a long walk and my mom wasn't hungry anymore.

What was the most useful tool in the 17th century?

Slaves.

Yo papa's wife is so dumb and fat that we had to use yo papa.

Egg shaped, dome, bowling ball lookin' ass, bald fuck with that 360 degrees ahh head, motherfucker look like a damn balloon.

Call me Kobe 'cause I'm finna use your head as a basketball and throw it at yo' parents. Mr. Clean, bootleg Saitama lookin' ass mfer. No hair? :(

*Riddle:* All men have one, some got long, some got small. The Pope never uses his, and a man gives it to his wife after getting married. What is it?

What do lesbians and mechanics have in common?

They both use strap on tools.

Bro used the quadratic formula to calculate the velocity of your -234 going down hairline.

What is the difference between an orphan and a candle?

One is used.

Your hairline is so bad it was used as the Starbucks logo!

Yo mama so poor, she used a KFC bucket as a rain hat.

If an orphan wins the lottery, what do they have to use all of it on?

Years of child support!

Why is it okay for a woman to use me when she feels like it, but when I use her body when I feel like it, I am the bad guy?

Why can't Asian people use a telephone?

Because they might wing the wrong number.

Your mum is so bad at cooking, Gordon Ramsey brought back Hitler to show her how to use an oven.

Yo mama so fat, Zeus used her as a bowling ball.

What kind of shells do tanks use to cheat?

A-cheat shells.

You wanna know the difference between a rake and your mom? The rake is actually useful.

You used to be someone’s sunshine, but sorry, the climate changed. 😂😂😂😂

Your mummy is so tall, she uses the Eiffel Tower as a dildo.

Two teenagers were raping an 11-year-old girl in an alley, so I stepped in to help. The little bitch didn’t stand a chance against the three of us.