Kidnapper: hey kid your parents told me to pick you up Kid: Sir this is an orphanage Kidnapper: ...
That shit was trash. You cant handle me. Hold up. Aint you nathaniel B??
People trying too stop me from being depressed: “Just cheer up!”
Me: “WOW I NEVER THOUGHT OF THAT”
What do a crippled person's legs and the Twin Towers have in common? They both went down and never came back up.
I went up to the blind kid and punched him and said bet you didn't see that coming
Don't give up on your dreams................... keep sleeping
You signed up for football but you're no good
You're so skinny you're a thin stick You're so fat that when you got in Pacific Ocean you became the Pacific Ocean You're so ugly you got stuff for free You're so nasty that when you eat spaghetti you thought it was throw up You're so fat you're the fattest person on Earth You are so gay you kiss the boy last night
A plane is about the crash into the ocean, and the passengers are freaking out. A woman stands up, takes off her clothes, and says, "Before I go, is there a person man enough to make me feel like a woman?" A man stands up, takes of shirt, and says, "Here, iron this!"
My cousin is in a wheelchair and wanted to battle. So i went up a step and said "It's other Anakin I have the high ground!"
So the other day, I was looking up zodiac sign stuff, you know, I'm a real big fan of that, and I come across this thing and it’s like all zodiac signs have their own hairstyles... except Cancer.
Once there was a woman who had a husband and a dog, the husband dies. The dog would always sleep under the bed and when the woman would go to sleep, she'd put her hand down and the dog would like it to say she/he was alright. One night it was thunder storming. She put her hand down and the dog licked normally. She heard the dog whimper so she put her hand down like normal, as the dog always does he/she likes her hand.
Then she heard dripping coming from the bathroom so she went to go stop the leaking that might be coming from the tap. But the tap wasn't on, nor was it dripping. She turns on the light and looks up at the roof to see if the roof was leaking but turns out her dog was hung by its head above the bathtub.
On the mirror it said, "Humans can like too", in the dogs blood.
This is a true story, don't be afraid to look it up!
Walk up to the quiet kid and tell him to hang in there, trust me you won’t regret it
The guy called up to the orphanage then he asked where are the kids faces and then another guy said sorry there’s no homepage
emos are weird to me because they dress up all black and you know i dont like that so thats why i dont like it
3 guys are standing in an alley on an alien planet and the psycho one says "However many tits your girl has is how many balls you have"
The first guy says "Ha! My girlfriend has 6! I'm racked up!" The second guy said "Eh, I am happy with 2 balls" The third guy said "Shit! My girlfriend is flat as fuck!"
A guy listening in enters and says "Bro you actually have girlfriends. I do not. Does that mean I have a pussy?:
Yankee doodle went to town riding on a pony, he opened up a pasta shop and made some macaroni.
u heard to the pixar movie up but have u heard of down down the 9/11 terrorist attack?
My forehead blew up because I saw urs at the forehead shop
I was walking today and I saw an emo with a noose looking up at a tree. I simply said, "Hang on there, bud!"
