Two jokes
What did one sperm say to the other while swimming side by side?
One turns to the other and asks, "How much further to the fallopian tubes?"
The other says, "I’m not sure, we just passed the esophagus."
Your mama is so fat, she needs two phones to take a picture of herself.
God needed an extra two hands to make your fat ass of a mother.
If I had kept all my two cents to myself, I'd have enough money to publish my own newspaper now.
What is the similarity between math and buildings?
Two parallel lines can be intersected by a plane.
Memes
What do Drew Bledsoe and the Twin Towers have in common?
They both got taken out by two jets.
Me: What has two legs and bleeds?
Friend: Um, women? Obviously?
Me: Actually, half a dog. So you're still right.
Woman: I want a man who is 6 feet and 6 inches.
Man: Is 6 feet and 6 inches one thing or two?
Woman: Two, I want a man who is 6 feet and also is 6 inches.
Man: Shit!
How do you break up a fight between two gay men?
Say, "Can you get straight to the point?"
Tuesday, I was looking at my family tree, and two dogs were using it.
Why do women have two sets of lips?
I kiss both.
Columbine High basketball team will never be good again after they lost their two best shooters.
Why can't Chinese people have white babies? Because two wrongs don't make a white.
"If two sides in a battlefield read my book, there will be no winner."
Sun Tzu, The Art of War.
Q: What did the kid on the airplane say?
A: "Those are two nice towers right there."
What did the two towers make after they died? The One World Trade Center.
My wife is so fat.
She asked me to get on top; I had to get a step ladder. When I got up there, my ears popped, and the air was so thin. I had to have two Sherpas drag me off the mountain.
POV: I threw a paper airplane between the two twins, class.
Why doesn't the U.S. Government play Clash of Clans?
Because they lost two towers already.
When you name yourself "Twin Towers" and the terrorist in Kahoot.
Twin Towers are on fire.
The terrorist has a streak of two.