Two jokes
Did you hear about the two-car pile-up in Mexico? Yeah like 200 Mexicans died.
What's worse than a baby in a dumpster?
A baby in two dumpsters.
Americans don't like playing chess with Muslims; last time they did play, they ended up losing two towers.
Two mates walk into a bar.
Mate 1: "Shit! Look at that spider over there!"
Mate 2: "Whateverrrrrrr."
Mate 1: "No, seriously, it's bloody massive!"
Mate 2: "(Turns around) Shit, that's huge, I thought you were joking."
Mate 1: "No, I'm Fred King, Jo King's brother ;-)"
Two guys are on a plane. One of the guys' name is Jack. The other is Peter.
Peter: "Hi Jack."
Flight Attendant: "You're going to hijack the plane?!?"
Jack: "No, my name is Ja-"
Flight Attendant: "Everybody stay calm! These two men are going to hijack the plane!"
Jack: "No, no. My name is Jack and my friend here is an idiot."
Q. What did the math book say to the other math book?
A. I have too many problems.
My uncle was a priest.
He had a two-inch penis, but when it was in my ass, it felt like a torpedo.
What do you call an orphan taking a selfie with Batman?
Two family reunions!
Well on the positive side: the Mexicans will probably want to pay for, and build, that wall at this point! Maybe the Canadians as well; two free walls!
An SQL query goes into a bar, walks up to two tables and asks, "Can I join you?"
1+1? Too hard.
Two old Indian ladies out picking potatoes, one lady stops, staring at this huge potato, turning it round and round.
The other old lady says to her, "What are you doing?" She says, "These potatoes remind me of my husband's nuts."
She says, "Oh my, are they really that big?" She said, "No, they're that dirty. lololol"
What did the two towers make after they died? The One World Trade Center.
Two Canadians die and end up in Hell. Satan decides to pay them a visit, so he walks into their room and sees them talking and laughing. Confused, he asks them why they're happy.
They tell him, "Well, we're so sick of the cold where we're from, and this place is nice and toasty."
Satan, annoyed, storms away and goes to Hell's boiler room, where he turns up the temperature.
He goes back to the Canadians' room, along the way being begged by all sorts of people to put the heating back down. He enters the room to see the Canadians having a barbecue. Furiously, he asks them what they're doing.
"Well, we can't pass up this wonderful weather without getting out the barbecue!"
Satan realizes he's been doing the wrong thing. He goes to the boiler room and turns it down until it's at a colder temperature than ever seen on earth.
He knows he's won now, so he goes back to the Canadians' room, only to see them jumping up and down in excitement.
He shouts at them in fury, "WHY ARE YOU STILL HAPPY?!?!?!"
They look at him and shout at the same time, "Hell froze over! That means the Leafs won!"
Which one's super super corny?
1. What's blue and not heavy? (🤔) Light blue.
2. What's blue and super hard to see?
Dark blue. (🤔)
What do you call two Michael J. Fox's standing next to each other?
Parallel Parkinson's.
Yo mama so fat that she needs two watches for two different time zones.
Why did two dumb blondes put condoms on the cow's udders because they wanted the cow to practice safe sex?
What do you call two Latinos playing baseball one on one?
Two deer walk out of a gay bar. One says to the other, "I blew like 20 bucks in there!"