There's two reasons guys will hang themselves from the neck.
One is to escape the worthless masquerade of a life we pretend we have, and the second reason is to whack off.
Two Jokes
What is it called when two Mexicans play basketball?
Juan on Juan.
What are two things that an orphan can’t have?
Two parents.
What did the drummer call his twin daughters?
Anna one, Anna two!
How much drugs did Charlie Sheen take?
Enough to kill two and a half men.
I saw two really tall guys. I walked up and said, "I didn't know we still have the Twin Towers!"
Tuesday, I was looking at my family tree, and two dogs were using it.
How do you break up two blind guys fighting?
Yell, "My money's on the guy with the knife!"
I went to a restaurant and a waiter took my order. She had two black eyes, so I ordered real slow.
Because obviously she doesn’t listen.
It takes a lot of trust for two cannibals to gluck gluck each other. You never know when it's goodbye willy.
¡Hola, soy Dora!
Can you help me find the two fucks I'm supposed to give?!
Woman: I want a man who is 6 feet and 6 inches.
Man: Is 6 feet and 6 inches one thing or two?
Woman: Two, I want a man who is 6 feet and also is 6 inches.
Man: Shit!
How do you break up a fight between two gay men?
Say, "Can you get straight to the point?"
Two guys in a car get pulled over by a cop. The cop taps the window, and the window rolls down. "Good evening, gentlemen, we're looking for two pedophiles."
The guy quickly closes the window. Ten seconds later, he lowers it again and says, "Ok, we'll do it."
What do Drew Bledsoe and the Twin Towers have in common?
They both got taken out by two jets.
If I had kept all my two cents to myself, I'd have enough money to publish my own newspaper now.
What is the similarity between math and buildings?
Two parallel lines can be intersected by a plane.
God needed an extra two hands to make your fat ass of a mother.
What do you call two Hispanics with Parkinson's disease?
Maracas.
This guy goes to the doctor and says, “I think I’m a wigwam, no, I think I’m a teepee, no, I must be a wigwam, no, a teepee.”
The doctor tells him, “I think I understand your problem. You’re two tents.”
