Two jokes
Two air vents walked into a bar.
The third one ducted.
What has 4 legs and two gloves?
All five people on my baseball team. ⚾️
I saw an ad that said, "By the time this ad is over, two identities would have been stolen." So, I did what I had to do and skipped the ad! You're welcome to the two people's identities I saved!
You can play Jenga in two places now: New York and Miami (Chaplin Towers.) They probably have Jenga tournaments there every year.
What did the drummer call his twin daughters?
Anna one, Anna two!
Memes
Tuesday, I was looking at my family tree, and two dogs were using it.
How much drugs did Charlie Sheen take?
Enough to kill two and a half men.
It takes a lot of trust for two cannibals to gluck gluck each other. You never know when it's goodbye willy.
What did one sperm say to the other while swimming side by side?
One turns to the other and asks, "How much further to the fallopian tubes?"
The other says, "I’m not sure, we just passed the esophagus."
What has four legs in the morning, two legs at noon, and three legs in the evening?
A kitchen chair! Your momma sits in it for lunch, and your dad only manages to reattach one of the two legs that broke off by evening.
Unfortunately, I had bad luck and faced infidelity.
Picture this: the bedroom door opens and I see my girlfriend in bed with two men...
I didn’t expect her to come back so early.
Why do women have two sets of lips?
I kiss both.
How do you break up a fight between two gay men?
Say, "Can you get straight to the point?"
Woman: I want a man who is 6 feet and 6 inches.
Man: Is 6 feet and 6 inches one thing or two?
Woman: Two, I want a man who is 6 feet and also is 6 inches.
Man: Shit!
I went to a restaurant and a waiter took my order. She had two black eyes, so I ordered real slow.
Because obviously she doesn’t listen.
What do Drew Bledsoe and the Twin Towers have in common?
They both got taken out by two jets.
Me: What has two legs and bleeds?
Friend: Um, women? Obviously?
Me: Actually, half a dog. So you're still right.
How do you break up two blind guys fighting?
Yell, "My money's on the guy with the knife!"
What are two things that an orphan can’t have?
Two parents.
What is it called when two Mexicans play basketball?
Juan on Juan.