Two jokes
What are the last two words you say after sex before going to sleep?
"Goodnight, Mom!"
How many squirrels does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two, but how they got in there's the real mystery!
What did the skeleton say to Shrek?
"Jump on me. I can have two layers of skin too."
Two men walk into a bar. You’d think at least one of them would have ducked.
What do you call two old men drooling in their wheelchairs?
The 2028 US election.
Why can’t you private text someone in a community?
Because a community has more than two people.
A handicapped person and an orphan get into a fight. The orphan says, "At least I have two functional legs." The handicapped person says, "At least I have two functional parents."
Two sentence horror stories go.
What do you call a cat with two legs instead of four?
Dead and without use, that's what I feel like.
Why is the US so bad at Clash Royale? Because they already lost two towers.
Q: What do you call two nuns watching television?
A: Not very interesting.
I threw a boomerang two years ago... I live in constant fear.
I took the trash to the recycling bin, and two days later, my mom asked me, "Where's your sister?" I said, "In the recycling line to be turned into a bottle."
I'm writing a movie about 9/11. It's called "September 11th Two Thousand Fun."
How can you tell a blonde likes you? She ducks you two nights in a row.
What did the Mexican firefighter name his two sons?
Jose and Hose B.
Why did two dumb blondes put condoms on the cow's udders because they wanted the cow to practice safe sex?
What's 9 divided by 11?
Well, I know it's less than two alright!
What do you call 2 nuns and a prostitute that play football?
Two tight ends and a wide receiver.
How many Jews does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Two, one to light up the room with space lasers so the other can see, and one to screw it in.