Viagra is a lot like amusement parks...
It’s a one hour wait, for a two-minute ride.
Two Indians talk over a long distance using smoke signals. In the middle of the conversation, a nuclear bomb explodes behind one of them and a huge cloud of smoke rises silently into the sky. The other Indian signals with smoke: "Not so loud"
Two priests walk into a store and cops come up to them and say they’re looking for a child molester and the priests both say I’ll do it
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
What did they give Elmo before he left the factory. Two test-tickles
A man walks into the taxidermist with two monkeys. The taxidermist asked if he wanted them mounted. The man said, "No. Shaking hands will be fine."
BF: Babe, I have two questions.
GF: Ok, ask!
BF: Where have you been all my life?
GF: Aww, that's so sweet. And the second question?
BF: Can you please go back there?
What do you call a murderer with two butts? An assassin.
I was laughing my ass off when the 12 year old child realized the door to my basement was unlocked, and he didn't need to cannibalize his two friends in a desperate attempt for survival 🤣🤣🤣
A guy and girl had sex poem competition. Guy: "Two times two is four, four plus five is nine. I can put mine in yours, but you can't put yours in mine." Girl: "Two times two is four, four plus five is nine. I know the length of yours, but you won't know the depth of mine."
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
Pick up lines
One fish two fish three fish I’m breaking up with you bich Hey there little mister I’m dating your sister
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
Two people are in a restaurant. Person #1 doesn’t order anything and person #2 orders a chili.
Person #1: Aren’t you gonna eat your bowl of chili?
Person #2: No you can have it.
Person #1: Ok, thanks...
Person 1 starts eating his food only to find half of a dead rat! He vomits all of the food back into the bowl.
Person #2: That’s about as far as I got too!
what has two legs and is red all over?
half a cat
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
A blind man walks into a woman’s bar and asks the person next to him if she would like to hear a blonde joke. The woman says before you tell your joke you should know the bartender is blonde and has a shotgun, the bouncer is blonde and has a baseball bat, the two playing music are blonde and have pistols, do you still want to tell that joke cowboy. He thought for a second and said not if I have to explain it five times.
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
A sex addict man meets a rich man around Christmas.
The sex addict asks the rich man, "What are you getting your wife this Christmas?" The rich man replies, "Diamond earrings and a Mercedes." The sex addict asks, "Why are you getting her two gifts?" The rich man says, "Well, if she doesn't like the earrings then she can drive to the store and exchange them."
The sex addict nods. Then the rich man asks him, "So what are you getting your wife this year?" The sex addict thinks about it for a second and replies, "A gold necklace and a dildo."
The rich man asks, "Why those two things?" The sex addict astutely reponds, "This way, if she doesn't like the jewelry she can go f... herself."
Little Johnny was walking down an alley and saw a lamp. After he rubbed it a genie came out and said "You have 10 seconds to have one wish". Little Johny says he wants to pee alcohol. The genie grants his wish. He tells his family and his sister doesn't believe it. After having a drink she says, "We should have this every night!". Little Johny gets two cups every night one for him and his sister. He does the same thing for four nights. Eventually he ran out of cups and has one left. He gives on himself and his sister asks, "Wheres my cup?". little Johny replied, "Your drinking out of the bottle tonight".
