Two jokes

Two men ran into a bar. You would have thought after the first one hit it, the second one would have seen it.

People say killing two birds with one stone is a good thing, but when I did it, people just looked horrified.

Two chinamen walk into a bar. The landlord says, "Why the same face?"

What do you call a pregnant slave? A two for one deal.

I would like to say Hitler gave two fucks about his people.

But quite Anne frankly, I'd be lying.

Three nuns had to go before Mother Superior. The first one goes up to her and she says, "Have you sinned?" "Yes, I have, Mother. I have stolen a bicycle." Okay, said Mother Superior. "Say 100 Hail Marys and dip your hand in the holy water." Up comes nun number two and she says she has sinned. "She slept with a married man." So Mother Superior says, "Okay, say 500 Hail Marys and dip your hand in the holy water and go on your way." The third nun comes up and she says, "I peed in the holy water!" 🤣😂🤣😂😁😁🌈

Two girls have a sleepover.

Karen: Let's go to bed.

Lauren: Fine, but it's early.

*Karen wakes up and exits room*

*Lauren hears noise*

Mikey: You're so much better than my girlfriend, Karen.

Lauren: *laughs*

Lauren: *remembers her boyfriend is Karen's brother, Mikey*

Your mom is like a penny: two-faced, flat, and always in someone's pants.

Why is America bad at chess? We already lost two towers.

Pick up lines.

"One fish, two fish, three fish, I’m breaking up with you, b*tch!"

"Hey there little mister, I’m dating your sister."

These days, there are only two political parties in India: BJP and anti-BJP.

A couple is on their first date.

Man: How do you feel about sex?

Woman: I like it infrequently.

Man: I see. Is that one word or two?

Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods. A small tree begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the birch, “Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?” The birch says he cannot tell, but just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling. The birch says, “Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?”

The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree and replies, “It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch, it is, however, the best piece of ash I have ever poked my pecker into.”

Two silk worms got in a fight. It ended in a tie.

Two fish were swimming in a stream when it began to rain. "Quick, let's swim under that bridge, otherwise we will get wet!"

Two scientists walk into a bar. The first one asks for a glass of H2O. The second one asks for a glass of H2O, too. The second one dies. Why?

There are two types of people in Alabama: the orphans and the incests.

What has two butts and kills people?

An assassin.

Two nuts were chasing each other. One said to the other, "I'm-a cashew!"

What did the two paintings say after a long battle?

Let's call this one a draw.