Two jokes

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a fourth of a beer. The bartender stops them, pours two beers, and says, "You guys should know your limits."

An SQL query goes into a bar, walks up to two tables and asks, "Can I join you?"

Why are Americans so bad at Chess?

They're missing two towers.

Most people think an octopus has 8 legs.

Actually, they have 6 legs and 2 arms. How can you tell which are the arms?

Hit it on the head. The two that go up to the head when he says "Owwww" are his arms.

I tried having a three-way with two physicists, but they couldn't solve the three-body problem.

Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.

One turns to the other and says, "I think I've lost my electron."

The other asks, "Are you sure?"

"Yes," the first says, "I'm positive!"

A Roman walks into a bar.

He holds up two fingers and says, "Give me five beers."

Two men were talking about their wives. The first man says, "My wife is an angel." The second man says, "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

Just because she weighed as much as two women... Doesn't mean you had a threesome.