Try jokes

If you take a cap off a bottle, is it decapitation?

Sorry guys, I tried. I tried harder this time. I'll try again. Sorry, I can't delete things.

One day the teacher said, "There are 3 birds on a wire, a shooter shoots one. How many are left?" The teacher calls on lil Johnny. "None," the teacher said, "no but try again." Lil Johnny says, "None, because if you shoot one the rest get scared and leave." The teacher said, "Not quite, but I like the way you think."

Lil Johnny then says, "Alright teacher, I have one for you. There are 3 women sitting on a bench, one's sucking it, the other is licking it, and the last one is biting it. Which one is married?" The teacher then says, "The one sucking it, of course!" Lil Johnny then says, "No, the one with the ring, but I like the way you think!"

I farted, try me. You farted? Oh no, we all farted.

The plane crashed, but I did too on a pillow.

I keep trying to call my emo friend. They keep hanging up.

An emo tried to give a tree a hive, but it left him hanging.

Orphans have it lucky.

When teachers threaten to call parents, the orphans say, "Try me."

When teachers give homework, orphans say, "Where?"

A man walks into a magic forest, when he stumbles upon a talking tree and tries to cut it down. The tree says, "You can't cut me down, I'm a talking tree!" The man replies, "You may be a talking tree, but you will dialogue."

Yo mama so stupid, she tried to wake up sleeping pills.

So, Johnny was working at a deli. A woman walks up and asks, "Do you have any salad?" Johnny says, "No." She asks, "What about carrots?" Again, Johnny says, "No." She says, "What about bananas?" Johnny says, "Tell ya what, spell out 'lad' in salad." She spells, "L A D." Johnny replies, "Spell 'rot' in carrot." She spells, "R O T." Johnny says, "Now spell 'fuck' in vegetables or fruits." She says, "There is no 'fuck' in vegetables or fruits." Johnny exclaims, "That's what I've been trying to tell you!"

You are so white even Nippon Paint tried to sign you!

Two friends fighting.

Friend 3: "Cut it out, you two!"

Friend 4: "It wouldn't help if they cut it out... Believe me... I've tried..."

A little girl and a little boy are taking a bath together when the little girl looks down and asks, "What's that?"

The little boy says, "That’s my little red race car."

Ten minutes later, the boy looks down and asks, "What's that?"

The little girl says, "That’s my little red race car garage."

So later that night, the little boy asks the little girl if he can put his little red race car in her little red race car garage. She said yes, and then they pull down their pants and the boy tries putting his little red race car in her garage, but it won’t fit.

Downstairs, the mother hears an ear-piercing scream and runs up the stairs, flips on the lights and sees blood on the floor. The mother asks, "What happened?"

The little girl says, "We tried putting his car in my garage and it wouldn’t fit, so I cut the back wheels off."

I tried to adopt an orphan. The card got declined harder than the child did.

My German girlfriend likes to rate our sex on a scale of 1-10.

Last night we tried anal, and she kept shouting “9!”

That's the best I've done so far.

I tried to catch yodeling, but he evolved to yodingalig.

What did the blind kid get for Christmas? He hasn’t seen it yet...

What did the kids with no arms get? He doesn’t know, he’s still trying to figure out how to open it. :))))

Talking to a liberal is like trying to explain social media to a 70-year-old.

Your mum is so ugly, she tried to join an ugly competition. They said, "Sorry, no professionals."

Fat jokes and mom jokes😂

1. So fat when she sat on the toilet, she said, "A B C D E F G, get your fat ass off me."

2. So fat, your dad and her were in bed and tried to kiss. He’d have to slap her belly and ride the third wave up.

3. Yo mama so fat that when she went to Japan in a green bikini, they all started yelling, "Godzilla, Godzilla."

4. Your mama’s so fat when she went bungee jumping, she broke the bridge!

5. Bill was so fat when he stepped on the scale, it said "to be continued."

6. Yo mama so fat, she put on her lipstick with a paint-roller.

I was trying to make homemade baby powder until I realized it isn't made from babies, oops wrong ingredient... smh