Try jokes

Queen Elizabeth died a couple weeks ago. I'm still trying to find the reboot catd.

Your eyebrows and hairline are so far apart that when Dora the Explorer went and found your hairline and was trying to find your eyebrows, the map couldn't even tell her.

Yo mom's so fat, I went over to her house a few years ago and wanted to watch TV.

So I asked for the TV remote, and she's still trying to get it!

My best friend is an orphan, and we try to have sleepovers, but his parents never say yes.

Why did Naruto stop trying to get at Sakura?

Why?

Because it would be useless. :)

Don't ever try to give an emo kid a high five. They'll just leave you hanging.

Orphan: "I get all the A pluses and y'all bad!"

And then I told him: "If you feel so special, try telling your parents. You can't, can you?"

Why is he called Stephen Hawking?

Because he is always trying to hawk up phlegm to clear his throat.

Our soon to be ex-Justice Minister is trying to distract us from his own misconduct charges by funding advocates for crime victims.

He should fund proctologists too because he'll likely need both after prison.

Can you really wheel my real wheelchair?

Try saying that over and over fast. Bit of a tongue twister.

Tj if you don't stop trying to ruin Gwen and Prince's relationship then I will scream!!!!!!!!!!

It's some dumb faker and what point of she just wants to be your friend do not understand!

Why do orphans play baseball because they try to find home?

I was trying to make a joke about fighting, but I couldn't come up with a good punchline.

Why do orphans try to be arrested? So that they'll be wanted.

Confucius say: Never try win head-butting contest with mongoloid. You lose every time, and you only hurt yourself.

Unless he use Mongolian recurved bow... then you in trouble!

Hey, do you like nuts? Try our new product, deez nuts! *slam dunk* It's a bag filled with all of your favorite nuts! We called it deez nuts! *slam dunk* We got cashues peanuts wallnuts!

And it's called deez nuts! *slam dunk* Try out deez nuts *slam dunk* now! It's a bag, filled with your favorite nuts! Deez nuts! *slam dunk*

I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner.

I took out my wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"

"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.

"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" I asked.

"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said. "I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."

"Will you spend this on hunting equipment?" I asked.

"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't gone hunting in 20 years!"

"Well," I said, "I'm not going to give you money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a shower and a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."

The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that?"

I replied, "Don't worry about that. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up drinking, fishing and hunting."

Yesterday, my daughter was playing in the garden when I saw her kill a butterfly. So to teach her a lesson, I said, "Just for that, you don't get any butter for a month."

Today in the kitchen, she killed a cockroach. I said, "Nice try!"

A man comes to a bar and has a drink. Then his bully came to him and stole his drink. Then the bully asked, "What's wrong?"

The man said that "I'm trying to kill myself. I tried getting hit by a train, but the train went on a different track. Then I tried to jump off a bridge, but I fell on a boat full of pillows. Then I tried to poison myself."

Then the bully says, "Then what?" Then the man replied, "You just drank it." Then the man left.

An innocent boy is reading through his father’s phone, looking at the messages and trying to learn things about his family from them. He saw a message asking for something which seemed strange, but ultimately the boy decided to surprise his father with what it said.

“Timmy, why are there thirty-five cats in the living room?” shouted the father.

“I was only supplying what you wanted from Mother!” replied the boy.