My therapist said to try having a different outlook on life. I agree. I should have a different outlook on life. Preferably from underground.
So a blind guy is sitting on a park bench his seeing eye dog right beside him. Suddenly his seeing eye dog cocks his leg and pisses all over the blind guys leg. So the blind guy gives the dog a treat. A man taking a walk saw the entire thing and said to the blind man. That is the most charitable thing I’ve ever seen, your dog deliberately pissed on you and here you are giving him a dog biscuit. The blind man says Oh it’s not what you think I’m just trying to find his head so I can kick him in the Ass.
Did you here about the emo kid that tried to high-five a tree... it left him hanging
why does every emo kid try to be like tarzan? so they can swing on the vine
Why did the polack try writing a letter with his dick? because he didn't have a pen to write with.
What's the difference between a dead baby in my trash can and a discarded sex toy?
....
I'm still trying to think of an answer.
I have tried coke; it is not my cup of tea
I was trying to make friends and this one person came up to me they said “lettuce be friends?” I just laughed and said that was tearable
I tried to catch air once ... I mist
Child: "Mom, what's an 'orgasm'?" Mom: "I don't know, dear. Try asking your father..."
Why dont lesbians have sex in the morning. Have you ever tried pulling apart a grilled cheese
Why can’t you take an Asian guy golfing? Because you can’t drive Every time he does, he tries to put a hole-in-one
I wore a purple outfit to school and sum indian kid called me thanos so I called him vision and tryed pulling the red dot off his head.
Me to friend: I'm homeschooled Friend: if I was homeschooled I'd kms Me: oh, I already tried that.
Osama Bin Laden was trying to give me relationship advice.
Probably wasn't the best time to say "OK Boomer"
A doctor walks into the room and tells his patient, "I have some bad news for you. You really have to stop masturbating." The man looks aghast and says, "Oh my God, doc, why?!" The doctor replies, "I'm trying to examine you."
Did you see the dyslexic kid try to write down “funeral”? No? Shame, it was real fun
One way to not pick up girl is to say, “are you an American school because I wanna shoot kids into you.” I tried it on a girl and she is now terrified to come near me.
How was I supposed to know she was already pregnant?
Yo mamma so fat that State Farm tried to get on her side but couldn’t
