Someone said to stop hurting myself but I'm still trying to cut me arms off
I Tried to give directions to a orphan but he got lost bc there was no home
I've been trying to use Google Maps in Ukraine, but I couldn't because I only saw Russia.
Question- What happend to the depresses kid who tried to high 5 a tree? Answer- He was left hanging
I was once friends with a schizophrenic emo, he tried high fiving a tree but it only left him hanging
Why the actual fuck is there drama on this website anyone can fake to be someone there not and no one will know the goddam difference Iโm just trying to look at/make jokes and Iโm getting shit from people saying โitโs too offensiveโ or something like goddam just take that shit somewhere else
Stephen Hawking tried comedy. His first line ruined it. 'You know what I can't stand? Let me rephrase that, you know what? I can't stand.'
I tried writing with a dull pencil the other day, but there was no point.
- Yo mama is so fat, when she wears a yellow dress, people yell "Taxi!" - Yo mama is so stupid, she tried to climb Mountain Dew. - Yo mama is so ugly, she made a blind kid cry. - Yo mama is so old, she knew Burger King when he was still a prince. - Yo mama is so poor, she can't even afford to pay attention.
One afternoon, a man was walking to a bar after work. Across the street, an Irish nun stood there waving her arms at the man. "Look at this poor drunkard! The Lord does not love him! He will be sent to Hell!" the nun shouted. The man walked over to the nun. "Hey! I had a hard day at work! I was going to get ONE beer! Have you ever even tried a drink before?" the man asked. The nun looked down and shook her head. "Well, if you tried it, you would probably like it! Would you want to try something?" the man asked. The nun replied, "Okay, only one thing." "What would you like?" asked the man. He offered her beer and whiskey, but she declined. "How about a little gin?" the man concluded. "Okay, sure. But, can you ask them to put it in a mug so people don't see what I'm drinking?" asked the nun. "Fine," the man walks into the bar and waves to the bartender. "Hey, can I have a bottle of beer and a bit of gin? Also, can that be in a mug?" asked the man. The bartender looked up, with fury in his eyes. "Don't tell me that damn nun is out there again!" the bartender said.
I sometimes want rampage, but what good would that do? I look for a way out, but there's not even a light shining through. The times where all is dark, are the times that I need a mark. Though people say that nobody will care, the truth is: there's always one who's fair. That person may not be the one you expect, but I am here with a passion to redirect. Once there was a time where I tried to end it all, because I only looked on the dark side. Truth was I wanted to be heard, to be respected, to let someone know. But that was in the past and this isn't about my dark ride, it's time for others to know that only a few words, can extinguish a glow.
Sign outside a hair salon: We'll color your hair or dye trying.
My favorite thing to do on my free time is putting a large skewer on the front of my car and speeding through a school zone trying to make a kebab.
๐ง:Cโmon tomato!
๐ : Iโm trying to ketchup.
๐ง:Youโre a mile away.
๐ : I am a tomato! Itโs not that easy for me to ketchup.
Little Jonny tried phone sex but the holes was too small.
Vladimir Putin, Donald Trump and Angela Merkel are standing at the shore and are trying to impress each other with the accomplishments of their countries. Putin brags โWe have nuclear submarines which can stay under water for six weeks without having to resurface!โ. Trump goes on โSix weeks? Thatโs nothing. I have the best submarines, theyโre underwater fรผr at least three months!โ. Merkel is about to respond, when a giant steel colossus emerges from the sea. A hatch opens, a black uniform appears - โHeil Hitler! We need Diesel.โ
This one kid i knew had down syndrome and he turned a mirror upside down trying to get rid of it.