Try jokes
I murdered my friend's brother because he kept saying "HEE HEE" like Michael Jackson when I was trying to have a serious conversation. I just found out he was disabled. That's a THRILLER.
If you think the guy calling you fat is offensive,
Try salad 🥗.
Have you ever tried Ethiopian food?
Because I know they haven't.
Why did the emo kid try [to] high five the tree?
So it can hang him.
My therapist said to try having a different outlook on life.
I agree. I should have a different outlook on life. Preferably from underground.
Why is there no open hunting season on hippies?
Have you ever tried to clean one?
I tried to catch air once... I mist.
I tried to catch air once... I mist.
I was trying to make friends, and this one person came up to me. They said, "Lettuce be friends?" I just laughed and said that was tear-able.
Did you hear about the emo kid that tried to high-five a tree? It left him hanging.
Why did the polack try writing a letter with his dick?
Because he didn't have a pen to write with.
What's the difference between a dead baby in my trash can and a discarded sex toy?
...
I'm still trying to think of an answer.
Why does every emo kid try to be like Tarzan? So they can swing on the vine.
I have tried coke; it is not my cup of tea.
What do a turtle and a pedophile have in common?
They both try to get there before the hair does.
Child: "Mom, what's an 'orgasm'?"
Mom: "I don't know, dear. Try asking your father."
Why don't lesbians have sex in the morning?
Have you ever tried pulling apart a grilled cheese?
A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.
The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"
"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.
"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" the man asked.
"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said. "I spend all my time trying to stay alive."
"Will you spend this on green fees at a golf course instead of food?" the man asked.
"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't played golf in 20 years!"
"Will you spend the money on a woman in the red light district instead of food?" the man asked.
"What disease would I get for ten lousy bucks?" exclaimed the homeless man.
"Well," said the man, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."
The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty and I probably smell pretty disgusting."
The man replied, "That's okay. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up beer, fishing, golf and sex."
What does a computer scientist do when someone tries to fight him?
He waves his arms like a space invader.
Why do orphans try to be arrested? So that they'll be wanted.