Try jokes
Jesus tried solving the Rubik's cube,
but died on the cross.
I murdered my friend's brother because he kept saying "HEE HEE" like Michael Jackson when I was trying to have a serious conversation. I just found out he was disabled. That's a THRILLER.
Yo momma so fat, she tried to eat a pie chart.
If you think the guy calling you fat is offensive,
Try salad 🥗.
Have you ever tried Ethiopian food?
Because I know they haven't.
Why did the emo kid try [to] high five the tree?
So it can hang him.
My therapist said to try having a different outlook on life.
I agree. I should have a different outlook on life. Preferably from underground.
Did you hear about the emo kid that tried to high-five a tree? It left him hanging.
I was trying to make friends, and this one person came up to me. They said, "Lettuce be friends?" I just laughed and said that was tear-able.
I tried to catch air once... I mist.
I tried to catch air once... I mist.
Why is there no open hunting season on hippies?
Have you ever tried to clean one?
What's the difference between a dead baby in my trash can and a discarded sex toy?
...
I'm still trying to think of an answer.
Why did the polack try writing a letter with his dick?
Because he didn't have a pen to write with.
Why does every emo kid try to be like Tarzan? So they can swing on the vine.
I have tried coke; it is not my cup of tea.
What do a turtle and a pedophile have in common?
They both try to get there before the hair does.
Why don't lesbians have sex in the morning?
Have you ever tried pulling apart a grilled cheese?
A man was walking down the street when he was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked him for a couple of dollars for dinner.
The man took out his wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"
"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.
"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" the man asked.
"No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said. "I spend all my time trying to stay alive."
"Will you spend this on green fees at a golf course instead of food?" the man asked.
"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless man. "I haven't played golf in 20 years!"
"Will you spend the money on a woman in the red light district instead of food?" the man asked.
"What disease would I get for ten lousy bucks?" exclaimed the homeless man.
"Well," said the man, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you home for a terrific dinner cooked by my wife."
The homeless man was astounded. "Won't your wife be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty and I probably smell pretty disgusting."
The man replied, "That's okay. It's important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up beer, fishing, golf and sex."
A doctor walks into the room and tells his patient, "I have some bad news for you. You really have to stop masturbating."
The man looks aghast and says, "Oh my God, doc, why?!"
The doctor replies, "I'm trying to examine you."