Trouble jokes
Three sons left home, went out into the world, and each of them made a lot of money. During a reunion, they discussed the gifts they'd given to their elderly mum.
"I built a big house for our mum," said the first.
"I sent her a Mercedes, with a chauffeur," said the second.
And the third smiled and said, "I think my gift was the best. You know how much mum enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know that her eyes aren't so good anymore? Well, I sent her a remarkable cockatoo that recites the entire Bible, both old and new testaments. It took a priest twelve years to teach him. That cockatoo is the only one in the world that can do it. All mum has to do is name the chapter and verse, and the cockatoo recites it."
A few days later, mum sent out her thankyou letters. She wrote to the first son,
"The house you built is so enormous that I only live in one room. The trouble is, I have to clean the whole house."
To the second son she said, "I'm far too old to travel anymore. I stay at home most of the time, so I've hardly used the Mercedes. In any case, the driver is so rude."
To the third son she wrote "Dearest Freddie. You have the good sense to know what your mum likes. The chicken was delicious!"
Principal: “Why did you have to skip class? Because of that detention!”
Kid: “Whatever!”
Principal: “Why did you have to swear? Because of that one demerit!”
Kid: “Doesn't matter!”
Principal: “Why did you yell at a teacher and throw a chair at them? Because of that you're suspended!”
Kid: “Oh well!”
Principal: “Why did you have to push a kid down the stairs and kill them? Because of that you're expelled!”
Kid: “I'm trying not to kill myself!”
Why don't orphans care if they get in trouble? They can't call their parents.
What's the difference between a white kid and a computer?
The child has no trouble shooting.
Why did Beethoven have trouble finding a music teacher? Because his teacher was Haydn.
Why aren't orphans scared of getting in trouble at school?
Because they can't call their parents.
My therapist said I have trouble letting go of the past. So I killed him.
What do you call someone with notorious special needs and an extra chromosome?
The double trouble.
Did you hear Biden went to the ER?
He's having a little trouble with his Putin.
When you have a bladder infection,
You're in trouble. 😜
John walked into Pat at the barn. He was dancing naked in front of a tractor. John said, "Hey, Pat, what are you doing?"
Pat said, "Well, me and the wife have been having a bit of trouble in bed, so I went to a therapist, and he said I should do something sexy to a tractor (attract her)."
Little Johnny was at home and then he went to his grandma's house. He went there to cuss so he wouldn't get in trouble, and secretly, Grandma called his momma to come pick him up.
Momma asked what Little Johnny did, and she said he cussed and cussed and cussed. Granny had enough and called Mom again. Momma said Little Johnny was grounded for 2 weeks, and Little Johnny cussed some more. Now he grounded for 3 weeks.
Donald Trump was golfing with Barack Obama. The Donald said, "Listen Barack, I'm getting older and I'm having trouble sexually satisfying my young wife. I know that you black guys are supposed to be magic in bed. Can you give me a few pointers?" Barack gave Donald a few ideas and that night Donald made love to his wife. He did everything he was told. He started out slowly entering his wife gently then finished hard. Melania came quickly screaming. "Oh Donald, You fuck just like Barack Obama."
My neighbor is like my marriage. They're both in the hole.
What do Michael Vick and John Wick have in common?
Got into deep shit when it came to dogs.
I am in trouble. My mum asked me to get six cans of Sprite.
But I got seven Up.
Looks like he got stuck in a sticky situation.
What is the difference between an American and a computer?
An American doesn’t have trouble shooting.
Why are orphans lucky?
Because they can get in trouble and nobody can tell their parents.
How do you know you’ve been robbed by an Asian?
The house is clean, the homework is done, but the idiot is having trouble backing out of the driveway.